'Orange Is The New Black' Season 2, episode 5 recap: 'Low Self Esteem City'
What's going on
In this episode we get inside Gloria's head and we are introduced to quite possibly the greatest band name ever "Sideboob."
Plumbing issues in Spanish Harlem cause some major drama and its Gloria vs. Vee. Poor Gloria was already having trouble filling Red's shoes and then her confidence takes another a hit when she is constantly bulldozed by Vee. The Latinas think they can just switch bathrooms without trouble and they are dead wrong, Vee and her girls are going to make it as hard on them as possible.
Fig refuses to fix the showers and blaming budget cuts, limits the shower time to 30 seconds per girl. Is it even possible to get clean in 30 seconds?
Between sharing shower space and the new time limit, the Latinas and Team Vee reach their breaking point and things come to a head when Watson trips Daya. Bennett goes all protective baby daddy on Watson and completely loses it, pushing her to the floor.
Vee and Gloria have it out and for some reason Vee backs down and starts to cry. Something is up, Vee is not the type to shed tears or back down. The two come to an agreement, where Vee offers up some of her gals can start working in custodial, so a few more Latina's can help out in the kitchen.
It is revealed in flashbacks that Gloria was a victim of domestic violence and was arrested for committing fraud with food stamps at the store she was running. Maybe this is what Vee could sense and perceive as a weakness--Gloria's compassion and repeatability to the victim in a given situation.
Meanwhile, Piper is devastated when her mother and brother Cal come to visit and confess her grandmother is dying. She goes to Healy, who is already in a bad mood due to problems at home with his Russian mail order bride, and asks him for furlough so she can say goodbye to her grandmother. At Litchfield, furlough grants you 48 hours of freedom. Healy basically tells Pipes that nobody gets furlough. She is a desperate woman and pulls the whole "You just stood there and watched Pennsatucky attack me" card, but Healy stays firm.
In probably the best scene of the episode, Healy goes to a random local bar to drown his sorrows and stumbles upon Caputo playing bass in his band "Sideboob." After the set, Healy and Caputo have a bonding moment and the two realize they both just want to do a better job and provide a better lockup environment for the inmates--being in prison is bad enough, the women should be able to have their basic needs met.
Healy calls Piper in and says he is submitting her furlough request. For the first time since their breakup, Piper calls Larry. The too confess they miss each other, but there is just absolutely no heat between them anymore.
During lighter moments, Boo and Nicky continue their contest of sexual conquests and Chang starts regulating the game. One of the best rules--different ladies are worth different amounts of points. Piper is bummed she is only a three.
Poussey: "Don't ever call a black guard sister."
Piper: "You stood there while she attacked me and then you gave her new teeth."
Red: "Is that supposed to be comforting?"
Piper: "It probably would be comforting if Clive Owen were here to say it."
"You Slay Me," "The Scorcerers," and "Workers In The Mine," Sideboob: Healy comes into the bar where Caputo's band "Sideboob" is playing.
"Trabajando En La Mina De Carbon," Los Johnny Jets: End credits, altar fire.