Pippa Middleton, party pooper: 10 incredibly lame Halloween tips from her new book, 'Celebrate'
And not a moment too soon, because the $50 tome is chockfull of Halloween tips guaranteed for an epic party fail.
So if you want your children to be tormented mercilessly by their classmates and soon-to-be-former friends, grab a marker and jot down these helpful ideas from Kate Middleton's sister (previewed in "Parade").
1. Share scary stories outside with -- wait for it -- only a flashlight for illumination. Spooky!
2. Hang doughnuts on strings from a tree, yell "Eat!" and race to be the first to gobble the whole pastry without using your hands. The Blair Witch is kicking herself for not thinking of this one.
3. Drape white sheets over balloons and draw ghost faces on them using a black marker.
5. Use ketchup as a "fake blood" garnish.
6. Remember Jell-O molds? Pippa does ... or maybe she scared up her recipe -- using "spooky" gummy worms -- from a 1960s-era Betty Crocker cookbook. Creepy and delicious.
7. Stumped for a Halloween costume idea? Use black eyeliner to draw cat whiskers on your face!
8. No eyeliner? No problem! Grab a broom, don a pointy hat and prepare to win first place in the costume contest.
9. Enhance the "exhilaration" of bobbing for apples by turning it into a team relay. "Remember," says Pippa, "the deeper the container, the harder it is to bite the apple." Delighted party guests can be rewarded with prizes like pinkeye, lice and strep throat.
10. Wrap lollipops with paper napkins, tie 'em with string, draw black eyes with marker (see No. 3) and jam them in a pumpkin. (Slow your roll, Martha Stewart, you don't have a copyright on genius.)
Pippa, who works part-time for Party Pieces, her family's party-planning business, reportedly received a staggering $600,000 advance for "Celebration."
We can't wait for Christmas.