'Pretty Little Liars': How do you say 'drama' in French?
In the Feb. 7 episode, we saw the girls deal with seemingly every kind of drama one could possibly have in their life: Boys, parents, money, sports, enemies, a murder investigation, a creepy brother-in-law who may have killed your best friend, a creepy blind stepsister and French. You know, typical teen drama.
We open on a Toby Cavanaugh's cute little mailbox and we know it looks too peaceful to be true because five seconds later, a baseball bat comes into frame and smashes the mailbox. How rude!
Aria is at home with her dad, who is acting like a sketchball about dinner plans. Clearly, his kiss with Mrs. Montgomery in the last episode wasn't a one time thing. When Aria goes checks his jacket pocket for his checkbook, she finds a museum ticket and freaks. Dad acts all cagey and tells her to ask mommy. Chicken.
Emily and Spencer are in Em's room. She is looking for her textbook and Spencer is staring wistfully at Toby's smashed mailbox. Emily says it's not the first mess that Toby has had to clean up. Basically, feel bad for Toby, fans! Spencer feels really bad for him because she now knows what it's like for someone to accuse you of something you didn't do. That's the "Facts of Life." Sorry, we couldn't resist.
Spencer apologizes to Emily for not believing her about Toby and E tells her she should be apologizing to Toby. As Spencer continues to stare at the extremely interesting mailbox, Toby comes out and sees Spencer staring. Totally calling a romance between the two.
Someone is stealing from the school vending machines. It's probably the human Best Buy Caleb. Hanna acts all weird around Aria when she keeps talking (and talking and talking) about the museum tickets. Let it go already, girl! Obviously, Hanna feels the same way, but she can't say "I gave it to them for money!" so when she sees Caleb, she takes any exit she can get out of the conversation.
She asks him not to tweet about the fact he made Aria's mom's car break down (We so wouldn't have retweeted that) and he asks to speak. Hanna says, "If you must, but it's really annoying." Combine that response with the kick she gave him earlier and she clearly likes him. He tells her she owes him and then to make matters worse, "A" texts her saying how will Hanna keep her quiet. Woe is Hanna.
Emily is at swim practice and Paige is still crazy. Turns out they are tied so it's time for a (Drum roll please) SWIM OFF! Paige gets even crazier. Aria and her mom are talking and mom says she was talking to the principal about Aria and Mr. Fitz and Aria has a mini-heart attack. Yikes. Turns out it was about a class field trip. (We don't get it either.) Because they are both hiding something, the lies continue to plague their relationship.
Hanna is flipping through a magazine violently and Caleb creepily pops up from behind a bookcase in the library. He tells Hanna he wants to go on a date with her because he needs her popularity to get new customers for his human Best Buy company. Sure you do, Caleb. Man up and just ask her out without an excuse. They make a swim meet date.
Emily and Spencer talk about The Swim Off and Spencer tells Em it's okay to want to win and we agree. Spencer sees a sign for a French tutor and we learn it's for Toby. Spencer wants to do it and Em tells her not to do it. Spencer thinks the same person could be framing her and Toby and she needs answers, damn it!
Later, Spencer goes to tell Ian she won't be at practice and he's convinced it's all about him. Typical guy. Melissa then comes in and she and Ian give Spencer a hard time for wanting to tutor the "creep." Oh Ian, pot meet kettle, bro.
Spencer goes to tell Toby the great news... which he doesn't seem to think is so great. He says she can't come inside because his step-sister/ex-girlfriend (Ew... still) is inside. She asks if they can go somewhere, he says no and points to his ankle monitor. WASN'T HE JUST WALKING AROUND TOWN TWO EPISODES AGO SCARING LITTLE KIDS WITH ICE CREAM?! We feel like we're taking crazy pills. Plot device discrepancy alert.
Aria is still talking about the museum thing and Hanna is still telling her to let it go. Repetition alert! She overhears her dad talking about having dinner in the dark on the phone and when Aria asks him about it, he acts all evasive. Are you sensing a theme here? When he leaves, Aria makes Hanna come with her to follow him. This will end well.
Spencer brought Toby "The Catcher in the Rye" in French because she saw him reading the English version once. She SO likes him. He wants to know why she is there and what she wants, telling her, "You never do anything without a reason." Look at Toby dropping a truth bomb. We like how honest he is. She tells him she thinks the same person who framed him is now framing her. She apologizes for everything that has happened and clearly Jenna is eavesdropping so Toby freaks when Spencer tries to talk about Alison.
Spencer later tells Emily: "He's different. He's different than I thought he would be. There's something about him... I don't know." One episode in and you got it bad, girl. Spencer says she is trying to find the connection between the two of them and Alison. We like these two together a lot.
Aria and Hanna are spying on Daddy Montgomery who is at the high school. They follow him inside where he's making out with mommy who says she feels like a teenager sneaking around. OK then. He wants to tell the kids and she doesn't want to until they figure out what exactly they are doing. "My parents are having an affair with each other!" Aria exclaims.
Hanna sees a leather sleeve (hilariously) peeking out of a vent and goes to investigate. Veronica Mars would be so proud. She finds a paper bag with cell phones and money and automatically thinks it's "A." It's obviously Caleb, but whatever. Hanna takes the money because she's classy like that and says "A" owes her for hospital bills and "tire marks on her cleavage." OK, that line makes up for last week's awful Justin Bieber line. Hanna, you have redeemed yourself.
As the girls go to leave, the lights shut off and a lamp is knocked over before a hooded figure appears. The person starts to chase them through the school and it's pretty scary until Hanna pulls out some pepper spray and sprays it in the chaser's eyes. Yay Hanna! Turns out it's Caleb. Creepy much, dude? Also, it turns out it was hairspray. Typical Hanna.
Caleb has been living at the school. Yes, living at the school. We imagine it's like hiding out at the mall to stay there over night, just not as fun considering he sleeps on the principal's couch and has dinner out of vending machine. At least Joey and Pacey got to sleep in a tent on "Dawson's Creek." "My foster parents don't care where I am." He's so pulling a Johnny Depp in "21 Jump Street." This kid screams narc.
Emily is sleeping and is woken up by a text. She opens her door and there's a soaking wet (still crazy!) Paige on her stoop, who says, "You have every reason to hate me. You should. I do. I'm sorry, Emily" and then rides away on her bike... in the rain. And there's thunder and lightning. We don't like where this is going. Not one bit. Cue Emily hearing from her coach that Paige had an accident and can't compete.
Homeless Human Best Buy and Hanna go on their fake date where she trades information on the rich kids at school for answers about Caleb. We learn he's lived in a lot of places, including Seattle, Salt Lake and Chicago. We also learn his real parents are a sore spot and he won't talk about them. We also learn some random girl at the school's grandfather invented the stapler. She's like Rosewood's very own Gretchen Weiner. Toaster Strudels > Staplers.
Spencer in a beret! Tres adorable. Anyway, she and Melissa have a big fight about Spencer's favorite sport, "brother-in-law bashing." Melissa says she is the one who proposed and wanted to elope and Spencer tells her she needs to ask Ian about Alison. Melissa doesn't believe her and says she won't let Spencer ruin her marriage. Bitter, party of one. We're thinking Ian is probably going to try to kill her by the end of the season. We're weird.
At the swim meet, Spencer compares Caleb to a stray dog, Paige walks in all emo and Emily wins the meet for her team while swimming to '80s-esque sports movie music. The hootenanny is broken up when "A" texts Aria and tells her to ask Hanna why she almost got busted.
Caleb is digging through his dresser at school because he got evicted. And by dresser, we mean a garbage can. Yes, he's keeping his clothes in a garbage can. Pause for maniacal laughter. Let's continue. Hanna tells him he can stay in her basement. Longing glances are exchanged.
Aria shows Hanna the text message from "A" and bless her little heart, Aria doesn't believe it for a second. Hanna shocks us by telling Aria the truth. ""A" made me do it. "A" has something on me." She tries to explain, but Aria isn't picking up what she's putting down. "Stop talking. There's nothing you could say to be that would change the way I feel right now."
Emily and Paige bond by the pool. Note: To "bond" on "PLL" means to have a two-minute long swimming montage. Kind of weird but we'll go with it for now. Oh look, bubbles!
Spencer goes to Toby's house and he tells her, "This isn't going to work" and gives her the book back. We see Jenna's sunglasses and a cup of coffee on the table on the porch. Boo evil stepsister! Toby is like Cinderella. Or something.
Aria is ignoring Hanna's calls and texts so Hanna is naturally crying on her staircase when Caleb interrupts to ask about towels. He asks her what's wrong and like a typical guy, thinks it's about him. "It's not about you," she tells him. "She's [Aria] is never going to speak to me again." Ah, to be young and dramatic in high school. She tells him he can go. At first he gets up and we lamented the dumbness of boys. We kind of cheered when he sat back down, said his shower could wait and just sat there with her. It was a nice moment. Maybe we don't want Caleb to be an undercover cop after all.
Time for another sister meeting between Spencer and Melissa. "I know about you and Ian," Melissa says and we, no joke, spit out our Diet Coke while watching. She goes on to tell Spencer she needs help because she always wants what she has and then drops the bomb that she's pregnant. Spencer looks like she's about to throw up and we don't blame her. When Melissa leaves all mad, she finds a note in the book Toby gave to her. It looks like a message in braille and he wrote, "I found this in Jenna's room. You may be right." We're not sure exactly what it means, but we're very intrigued. Could Jenna have framed Spencer?
The episode ends on yet another ominous "A" moment where he/she is gluing something while listening to some French tutorial. We have no idea what is going on. With "A," we guess that's to be expected.