'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' premiere recap: When Lisa Vanderpump snubs Adrienne Maloof, payback is a shrub
The biggest cat scratch comes from Lisa Vanderpump, who unfriended her former neighbor and bestie Adrienne Maloof after the Sacramento Kings owner accused the Brit of selling stories to the tabloids.
Now the two can't even hobble the quarter mile across the street in their Manolos to share in neighborly activities like chicken washing -- Lisa and Ken have moved to a new house: "It's very tranquil here," says Lisa with a sniff: "And no neighbors."
Lisa is still so peeved, in fact, she invites all of the Housewives except Adrienne to an anniversary celebration for her restaurant, Villa Blanca. Unfortunately, she doesn't tell them of the omission, so Taylor Armstrong puts her stilettoed foot in it by asking Adrienne to go shopping with her to buy a new party dress for the event.
(Taylor, you see, has gained 10 pounds and is now only four dress sizes smaller than the average woman.)
"Being left out is hurtful ... very s***ty and embarrassing," says Adrienne, who calls Lisa "Mean-Girl-ish and petty. "
But Ms. Maloof has the last word, sending a massive congratulatory floral arrangement to Villa Blanca during the party.
"I think it was supposed to be an olive branch, but it looks like the whole damn tree came in the room," quips Kyle Richards.
"It's like a Thanksgiving Day parade float!" chimes in Taylor's friend Dwight, whom we hope to see more of now that boring braggart Dana Wilkey and her $25,000 sunglasses are off the show.
Former "Friend of the Housewives" Brandi Glanville, meanwhile, has been promoted to regular cast member. She's also been elevated to BFF status with Lisa, which garners her the first invite to Vanderpump's new manse -- and the chance to sniff Ken's underwear. In return, Lisa slums it over to Glanville's house -- where she takes a call from Kyle's daughter Portia inviting Lisa to her 4th birthday party.
(We wish Portia greeted everyone with her adorable "Hello, darling.")
And although Kyle planned to Mean Girl Brandi, her frenemy snags an invite anyway (along with her free-flowing sons) by announcing herself on speaker phone.
Brandi continues to be fabulously unfiltered, especially in her first conversation with the new Housewife, former model Yolanda Foster and ex-wife of Lisa's bazillonaire bestie Mohamed Hadid.
"You know everyone, you've slept with everyone," she says about the Beverly Hills set. "It's all good."
Yolanda clearly doesn't think so, and finds an instant ally in Kim Richards, now sober after a stint in rehab but still holding a grudge against Brandi.
"Kim clearly blames me for all her drug and alcohol issues," says Brandi. While that's debatable, there's no denying that Kim does resent Kyle.
Instead of the post-rehab warm and fuzziness we were expecting, the sisters' relationship is icy, with Kim even demurring when invited to Portia's party. And Kim won't be hearing a "darling" from her niece; instead, "so, so annoying" was Portia's response on getting a message that Kim's voicemail box was full.
"Just because Kim is sober still doesn't mean I can reach her," Kyle complains about her "unpredictable" sibling.
Kim does show up to the Villa Blanca party though -- "Hallo-bloody-lujah" says Lisa -- just in time to marvel at Adrienne's fabulous foliage.
Here's hoping Adrienne gets hugs, not snubs, from the other Housewives as she and Paul head toward divorce. She's going to need all the friends she can get -- even if they come with camera crews.