'Real Housewives of NJ': Danielle is friendly with ex-felons. Surprise!

real-housewives-new-jersey-bravo-danielle-staub-ex-felons.jpgIn this episode of " The Real Housewives of New Jersey," Teresa goes into labor, Dina considers cutting ties with Danielle, and Danielle apparently has ex-felons for friends. All seems right in Jersey.

Teresa feels pressure 'down there'
Teresa is probably the most hardcore pregnant woman I've ever seen. Her contractions are starting or as she calls it, "she feels pressure." Before she leaves for the hospital, Joe gets his coffee and takes his sweet time getting dressed, the girls get French toast made and Teresa checks her emails. I'm more worried about the baby popping out than she is! She even takes time to pack some jewelry and her makeup case. Wow. Teresa, your "puffy chucky" is calling!

When they finally get to the hospital (an hour late), they have to wait some more, since the hospital gave away their room. While they wait, Teresa declares that this is her last baby, but Joe wants more. Teresa says if he wants more than he'll have to have them himself just like that guy she saw on TV. Um, Teresa, that guy was really a woman! Here's the best part. Teresa wants to wear her own outfit in the hospital instead of the hospital gown! I love it.

Diamonds, not needles, are a girl's best friend
Talk about multitasking! Teresa has turned her hospital room into an office. At one point, she was talking to someone on her cell phone and another person on the hospital phone. All the while, her labor pains were getting worse. Finally, it was time to get her an epidural shot, which looks to be a very painful and long needle. While she's getting the needle placed in the small of her back, she tells Joe that he owes her big. Ding! Diamonds. That puts a smile on her face for a short while, then the needle goes in and it's not pretty. Ouch.

It doesn't get any easier
Oh my gosh, Teresa is having the worst time. That epidural didn't seem to work very well. Then (don't kill the messenger) but Teresa felt like she had to poop, so that meant the baby was coming. The cameras were quickly kicked out of the room (Thank you, Bravo) and apparently she gave one and a half pushes and boom, the sound of a baby crying. We soon learn it's another girl! Poor Joe, he seemed so disappointed. I'm pretty sure he wanted a boy. When Teresa asked him what they should name her, he said, "I don't care." This is on tape, Joe! Anyway, Audriana, welcome to TV!

Take him to the car wash
The Manzos are hanging out at their restaurant, The Brownstone, and they're setting Chris up with a chance to start the car wash/strip club he started talking about last season. One of their friends owns a car wash and he's willing to hand it over to Chris on Wednesday, the slowest day of the week. His dad just wants to make sure whatever he's cooking up is legal.

real-housewives-new-jersey-bravo-caroline-manzo.jpg There's a difference between strip clubs and strip joints
Chris has landed himself an internship at Scores, one of the most popular strip clubs, um, I mean Gentleman's clubs, in New York. While he's there, he gets to know the ladies, throws some free drinks at people and hooks his brother's friends up with lap dances. Is this where the car wash part comes in? I'm feeling a little dirty. You?

Girls, girls, girls, car wash
Well, Chris decided to put his idea to the test. He brought some local gals down, who seemed to have lost their clothing on the way over, to drum up some business for the car wash. And, well, it worked. Caroline didn't seem too impressed by the women, but the owner of the car wash came back to find that it was making money. Win-win.

Model kid
Danielle takes her daughters out to dinner and she tells Christine that her agent called. I'm not sure, but it seems like he wanted Danielle to talk with Christine about the shady side of modeling. Christine, who is still shaken up by almost fainting on the catwalk in the last episode, has a fairly healthy understanding that she may not make it in the industry. She says, "The industry isn't ready for me." I thought it was especially funny when Jillian, her younger sister, said, "Maybe you're not ready for the industry." That's both a jealous jab and a pretty realistic way of looking at it. I think Jillian is pretty observant, maybe a little too precocious for her age, though.

Life coach?
Jacqueline's daughter comes over and apologizes for her attitude the last time. Jacqueline gets a bit teary when she tells Ashley that she worries. Then, Jacqueline mentions the possibility of Ashley seeing a life coach to help her figure out her plans going forward. Ashley thinks it's dumb to pay someone to tell her about herself. Plus, she already has a plan. She's taking a semester off of college, and then she wants to go back and prepare to be a fashion merchandiser or a music mogul or a zoologist. I don't blame Jacqueline for repeating her question about seeing a life coach.

The safe
Jacqueline tells her husband, Chris, about Ashley's visit and mentions the life coach. He automatically thinks it's a bad idea. He thinks that no one can help Ashley while her priorities are such a mess. He says she only thinks about her boyfriend. When Jacqueline says she thinks he's a nice guy, Chris tells her they're all nice guys until they leave the girl's parents behind and then they attack. Hah. He then mentions that's where the safe comes in. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but could you be married to a guy, have two kids with the man and have a huge safe sitting in your home and not know the contents of the safe? Well, Jacqueline thinks it's about time she knew. So, Chris opened it up and inside there was enough artillery to take over a small country. I am not kidding. What was really funny was that Jacqueline states via her interview that she's feels strange with the guns in her home, but she was sure having fun trying a few things on for size!

Danielle and The Brownstone - bad combo
Danielle meets a friend at a diner and she tells her that the owner of the diner's niece has a rare baby cancer. They would like Danielle to come to a benefit for the little girl. But, guess where the benefit is? The Brownstone. I swear Danielle must have gotten whiplash from her double take when they said that. Danielle agrees to go, because it's for the baby. I'm thinking that she loves having a legitimate reason to go to the Manzo business after she almost did a drive-by of their last party. On the other hand, how can she say no? It's for such a good cause.

Dina vs. Danielle
Dina has called Caroline and Jacqueline to her house to tell them what Zen Jen (aka Zenji) suggested she meet with Danielle and get closure on their relationship. Caroline is livid that she was called over to talk about Danielle, someone she wants out of her life. She doesn't think it's a good idea for Dina to meet with her, because Danielle doesn't reason the same way normal people do. I would have to agree with that. Jacqueline also seems very dead-set against the meeting after the phone message Danielle left for her. After all, they supposedly had an agreement that Jacqueline was not going to hang out with her, though they'd be "peaceful acquaintances."

Danielle brings in the muscle
I'm a little confused about Danielle's meeting with the ex-felons, but here we go. She feels she's going to need protection at the baby cancer benefit. So, she visits her friend, Danny, who will supposedly ensure that no one will bother her at the benefit. I'm thinking that Danielle is making a "much ado about nothing" type thing here, but what do I know? I've never kidnapped a guy and pistol-whipped him like Danielle has.

real-housewives-new-jersey-bravo-teresa-giudice-baby.jpg She's not jacked up at all
Dina comes over to visit Teresa and the new baby. I just have to say that Teresa knows how to do her thing, newborn baby or not. She has the cutest little hat on Audriana. It kills me. Dina thinks the baby looks adorable, too. "She's not jacked up at all," she says. There's that realness we love from this "Real Housewives" franchise. While Dina is holding the baby, Teresa asks if she'll be the godmother. Tears instantly start flowing and I have to say that it was a very touching moment between the two friends.

I got her number
Caroline's husband informs her of the benefit at The Brownstone and that Danielle is coming. Caroline isn't having it. It looks like things are going to get ugly. My only hope is that she indeed calls Danielle "garbage" again, because that really seems to annoy her.

Are we heading for a clash or what?

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Photo credit: Bravo