"The Real Housewives of Orange County" are back with a vengeance. Here's the lowdown on exactly what hit the fan on the season premiere, and what's coming up throughout Season 8.
Catching up with Vicki
Vicki's pregnant daughter Briana and her new husband Ryan are moving in to Vicki's house, so she is remodeling -- as usual. "I'm all about renovating everything right now," Vicki says. "Whether it's my body or my home." Vicki went to Alexis' plastic surgeon after last season to get rid of her wrinkles and her "Miss Piggy" nose. While she was under, she went ahead and got a chin implant too.
Vicki has been hiding out from the other ladies and claims to not care what they think when they notice her new face. "If you want to say something, say it to my face," Vicki says. "My numb face." She also reveals she broke up with Brooks after last season's reunion episode, but she's considering going back to him. "At the end of the day it's my choice, and I don't want to be influenced by anybody else," says Vicki.
Catching up with Heather
Heather is planning a clambake and has invited everyone except for Alexis. "Alexis and I don't have a friendship," explains Heather. "She is someone that I absolutely do not want in my life." Heather is planning to have security on site for the party to ensure only "positive energy." Right ...
Catching up with Tamra
Tamra and her kids have moved in with Eddie since their engagement, and she's now being exposed to his controlling side. "It's kind of annoying, because I will never let another man tell me what to do again," Tamra says.
Briana goes into labor, and Vicki finds out by getting a call from Heather. This prompts Tamra to call Vicki a "b***" and start to rehash their major blowout on last season's reunion show. Tamra tells Gretchen during their odd couple shopping trip that Alexis wants to sue Tamra for calling her "Jesus Jugs." Gretchen thinks Alexis is playing the trendy "bullying" card to get attention, and says she -- like Heather -- doesn't want Alexis in her life at all.
Meanwhile ... A baby is born
Briana delivers her baby boy, Troy, through emergency c-section after an 18-hour labor. Seeing the newborn prompts Vicki to declare, "Anyone who believes there is no God, there is a God." She follows up her newfound profundity with, "Oh, my God. I'm a grandmother. Whoo!"
Catching up with Gretchen
Gretchen now struggles to do simple things like make a cup of coffee with Slade off her assistant payroll, and hosting his own radio show. Gretchen says the relationship is a struggle now that they don't spend all day, every day together. But she does think Slade's formal employment will shut the other women up. "He has a very public job, that nobody can say jack diddly crap about," Gretchen explains. "So, suck it."
Gretchen's handbag and cosmetics business has taken off, so she's hired an assistant, Cindy, who is not quite an equal replacement for Slade.
Alexis and Jim bought a new 5,000 square-foot, 5 bedroom house in Orange County, which Alexis equates with her new hair cut. "I like to think of it as, I'm getting rid of all the dead weight," says Alexis. Yet, somehow, Jim is still in the picture. Hmm ...
Jim and Alexis are fighting over the decorating of their massive new home, in part because Alexis hates his partially nude lady statues. An issue to which Jim responds by pointing out Alexis' own, shall we say, "risqué" wardrobe. Alexis reveals she has chosen to pull back on her fashion business to reduce the strain on her marriage to Jim. (Huge eye roll.)
Alexis find out about the clambake she's not invited to from Vicki and says she wouldn't want to go be around Heather, Gretchen, and Tamra anyway. She takes the opportunity to explain to viewers the dictionary definition of bullying: "To bully someone is to intentionally or habitually be cruel to a weaker person," Alexis explains. "Well, I'm weaker because there's one of me and because I'm never gonna be on the same playing field with them."
Now, on to the clambake ...
Tamra and Gretchen are LOLing over a picture of Vicki's new face as they get ready to go to the party, and Tamra naturally dreads what Vicki is going to say to her. Vicki is not looking forward to seeing Tamra either, and calls their friendship "non-existent." Vicki says her relationship with Tamra is too toxic to repair. "If [Tamra] decides to be a b***, I'll be a b**** back," says Vicki. "Bring it on, b****." Well, this should be a fun party.
At the clambake, Tamra and Gretchen try to convince Heather that Vicki is lying about being broken up with Brooks, and hiding their real relationship. Anyone think there may be some truth to this, based on Vicki's earlier hints that things are "unsettled" between her and Brooks?
Vicki arrives to the party and the tensions build before Tamra and Vicki even greet each other. Then, we're left hanging until Episode 2.
What's in store for Season 8
In the teaser for what's coming up on Season 8, Tamra puts dollar bills in a male stripper's thong and dances on the hood of a taxi cab,=. Gretchen says she's having lots of sex to try and make a baby with Slade (gross), and Heather meets a new Housewife, Lydia McLaughlin -- who just so happens to be "friends with Alexis." Uh oh ... Tamra and Eddie fight about a wedding date, Vicki's relationship with Brooks causes more problems, and former Housewife Lauri Peterson is back in the picture. Hold on, Housewives. Season 8 is going to be a bumpy ride!
Photo/Video credit: Bravo