'Saturday Night Live' with Justin Bieber live blog: Follow along with us, Beliebers!
Follow along with us here starting at 11:30 p.m. ET/PT as we live-blog Bieber's appearance on the show. He was the musical guest once before in 2010 and made a cameo as Tina Fey's student in a kind of creepy sketch.
How do you think Bieber will do? All times Eastern.
11:29 -- We kick things off with a Super Bowl power outage opening sketch, with the "broadcasters" riffing during the blackout when they really don't have anything to talk about. Ummm ... if this is an indication of how funny the episode will be, we're in trouble. Bring on Bieber!
11:34 -- Dan Marino's love child discussion made us giggle and Shannon Sharpe (Jay Pharaoh) saying Ray Lewis killed those people was hilarious. It would've been amazing if that had actually happened during the Super Bowl broadcast. Still, not the strongest cold open we've ever seen.
11:37 -- Justin Bieber's monologue is the teen pop star celebrating Valentine's Day and Black History Month with a song. "You're sexy, you're real sexy. But did you also know Phillis Wheatley is the first black woman to publish a book of poems. Is that ever progress." and "Girl, you're driving me crazy. But did you also know that Denzel Washington invented the peanut." Heh.
11:41 -- Hey, it's Whoopi Goldberg! That's fun.
11:45 -- "The Californians" on SoapNet. Hmm. Not off to a great start, as it appears the main joke is how ridiculous driving in SoCal is. Which it totally is. But if you've never actually lived in Los Angeles, you really can't appreciate that joke. Bring back Bieber!
11:47 -- Bieber's addition to the sketch doesn't help matters. He's doing his best at channeling his inner Keanu from "Bill and Ted," but the material is pretty awful.
11:50 -- OK, so, "SNL" usually starts with its strongest skits and gets weaker as the night goes on. That ... does not make us feel good about tonight.
11:51 -- Backstage at a Bieber concert where we meet the new team of Bieber body doubles. The inclusion of Kenan and Jay is funny, as is the "Well, neither are you, homey" line. The best Bieber double is probably Nasim Pedrad. Haha.
11:56 -- Bieber abs! Panties bursting into flames all over the country.
11:58 -- Commercial for fake Bravo shows: "The Moroccans of Mulholland Drive," "Are You There, Rod? It's Me, Danessa," "Somewhere Chauffeur the Rainbow," "A Coppola Coconuts," "The Real Houseplants of Beverly Hills," "The Count of Cabo" and "The S***heads of Saltzberg." That might end up being the highlight of the show.
12:01 -- For all of you out there who want to see "Safe Haven," just rent "Sleeping With the Enemy" and save yourself the trouble.
12:04 -- Bieber performs "As Long as You Love Me" acoustic. Interesting call. We figured he'd start with something upbeat and do acoustic for the second performance. It pretty good, Bieber can definitely sing live. Good for him.
12:11 -- Weekend Update, which is generally the best part of "SNL" every week. Here are some highlights:
- "A new phone poll shows that 92% of Americans support background checks for all gun buyers, while the remaining 8% thought the call was a trick to distract them while the government came for their guns."
- "The executive board of the Boy Scouts said Wednesday they have delayed a vote on lifting their ban on homosexuals, saying they will need several more months to decide. Sure, take your time, fellas. Maybe go on an all-male camping trip. Rub a couple of sticks together. Sew a few more badges on your sash and then let us know if you're comfortable with gay stuff."
- "Reality TV star Mama June, who is the mother of Honey Boo Boo, revealed she has lost 100 pounds in the last year without surgeries, dieting or going to the gym. I have to admit, I thought the only way she'd ever lose 100 pounds was in a custody battle. ... No, she's adorable, I take it back."
- The One Black Guy in Every Commercial was hilarious, especially because of how much Seth and Kenan were giggling at themselves.
- "A new study names Washington D.C. as the most literate city in the country, followed by Seattle and Minneapolis. Coming in as the least literate city -- Pig Symbol, AL."
12:23 -- A "Grease" send-up with Bieber as Danny Zuko, except he's only 11 years old. Which is surprisingly hilarious. "Billy thought he saw a witch ... he wouldn't come out of the car until I checked" and the one friend goes, "I feel like I have to say something ... you know what, it's not worth it. It's gonna be what it's gonna be."
12:31 -- "The Miley Cyrus Show" sketch, where Miley is now all grown up. She has the president of her fan club on, who is played by Bieber. He's ... being the same character from the "Californians" sketch, except slamming himself, including an "apology" for smoking pot. Hmm. You're better than that, "SNL." Or not, considering how bad the sketches have been tonight.
12:39 -- Home from College sketch with big brother Edward. This is super obnoxious, we wish we could fast-forward through it. It gets slightly better when Taran Killam is getting so riled up that Bieber starts giggling.
12:45 -- Bieber's special Valentine's message -- look what we got here, sexy dice. Except who the hell is Taco? And -- wait, what?! Is Justin Bieber sending penis pics to Hillary Clinton?! What is happening right now? That is so upsetting.
12:48 -- Bieber goes slow for the second musical performance, "Nothing Like Us." We dig the drop-down microphone and piano.
12:53 -- Hooray for Abstinence Valentine's Dance at a high school, with Bieber as the head of the social committee. This might be Bieber's best performance of the night, though this sketch is pretty weak.
What did you think, Beliebers? How did the pop star do on "SNL"?