'Smallville': Toy Story

Kristinkreuk2_smallville_s6_240We've reached the end of The Lana Lang Experience on Smallville, and if this is indeed her final appearance ever, make sure to bring a box of tissues... it's a tearjerker at the end. First things first, we have to dispatch of our villain of the week: a burly, toy-obsessed whiz with grease oozing from his pores. Tasty.

These Spoilers always wanted a Teddy Ruxpin and a Mr. Potato Head.

Nothing says crazy like a fat guy painting the top of a model of the Daily Planet building, talking in verse to a doll. The globe spins and spins. This is a creepy kind of jolly I don't normally expect from fat people.

We switch to the LutherCorp boardroom, no confidence meeting already in progress. The alpha female of the group has taken offense to the direction Tess Mercer has shown the company, with all the other cronies agreeing. Just before the vote is official, Oliver shows up to announce his immediate takeover of LutherCorp. He wants to pontificate more, but he suspects something is up with the Newton's cradle, which abruptly stops. Oliver yells for everyone to take over, but the exercise is rather pointless as the boardroom is handily destroyed. Yay, explosions!

Down on the farm, Clark and Lana break the bed in a most convincing fashion. The yellow sun keeps him primed and always ready for more. She loves his romantic streak. Lana would love even more his being on board to help him save the world. It's the life she wants and wants to share it with him. Awww... she likes likes him! Even with her newfound powers, I would have thought him to resist it more, but it turns out he's wanted a partnership along the lines of his parents all along. They share a kiss when Chloe comes a knockin'. With the LutherCorp board members dead and Oliver in hospital, any further hot superhuman sex will have to wait.

Clark and Lana whoosh to the hospital in time to find Oliver waking up. Lana is absolutely certain Lex is behind the bombing. Oliver seems to agree, what with her effectively screwing Lex over at a full recovery by stealing the suit. Oh that Lana... so multitalented. Our dynamic duo whoosh over to the boardroom to find it in shambles. Clark starts to get that weird feeling in his tummy: the feeling of nearby Kryptonite. Lana grabs the shard of the bomb when the kryptonite absorbs through her hand. How convenient that it's marked Queen Industries. She exposits Oliver tried to kill Lex but she eventually talked him down from the ledge.

Continuing to talk to himself, chubby toy guy excitedly says the game has begun. Naturally, he's disappointed A: Tess wasn't in the room (word!) and B: Oliver survived. Thing is, our portly toy geek isn't exactly talking to himself as the doll contains a camera linked directly to Lex. He's looking healthy. As it stands, it's time for the next move: blowing up the top part of the Daily Planet model. That'll show 'em!

Justinhartley3_smallville_s6_240 We can tell Oliver will make it through the ordeal when he returns to his womanizing ways, gazing at the blondiful nurse. To my surprise, his charms have no real effect on her. Chloe stops by, there to find our rotund friend who we now know as Winslow Schott. He's a brilliant mind who apparently snapped... starting with bringing toys to work, eventually putting explosives in the toys. Chloe thinks this is a job Clark can easily take care of, except Oliver wants to keep it from him. He wants Winslow to lead him straight to Lex, who seems less than eager to end the reign of terror raining down on Metropolis. Chloe is in quite the pickle: kill Lex and be rid of his evil once and for all, or stand by Clark for truth, justice and blah blah blah.

As it turns out, the next shot is Chloe betraying Clark by reviewing Winslow's file. Our Red/Blue Blur whooshes in, immediately suspicious and no longer trusting. All this even after Brainiac was forcibly removed from her body. It takes more work than usual to win her over, but she finally relents to the good side, releasing all the information she has on Winslow. Good thing too, as Winslow arrives at the hospital with balloons and gifts, hoping to find Oliver's room.

Clark whooshes back to the farm to find Lana finding her necklace from long ago. It's been determined she can absorb the kryptonite. That's one mighty fine suit she has. Lana thinks Lex has planned three moves ahead (obviously), so the situation is far more dangerous than everyone is giving credit for.

Oliver wakes up to find he's chained to his hospital bed. Winslow is trying to act all evil, except Oliver makes light of the situation, calling him a clown. He does the big reveal that he's working for Lex. To no one's surprise, Winslow has wired a cymbal-banging monkey toy to explode after 53 clangs. Oliver succeeds in picking the handcuff lock, then subdues Winslow, all while knocking over the potentially explosive moneky. Now that's multitasking!

Clark and Lana crash Winslow's depressing pad. With her super sight, she notices the camera-wired doll, which she promptly places in the trash. They uncover a scale model Metropolis with the burned Daily Planet. Context clues! Back at the hospital, the blondiful nurse goes to deliver Oliver's meds only to find Winslow tied up in the bed. She makes a move to free him when Chloe arrives, identifying him as the villain of the week. It seems the balloons served a sinister purpose after all as he pops all of them, releasing a gas that knocks out Chloe and the nurse.

Allisonmack_smallville_s6_240 Some time later, Chloe analyzes the camera doll. Apparently she can't locate Lex himself, but she's able to find a Lex signal of some kind, hooking Clark up with a Queen Industries device that tracks said signal, but only for 10 more minutes as the satellite will be out of range. He whooshes to the Planet where Lana has turned the building upside down, unable to find the bomb. Using his own powers, he determines it's on the roof. Once there, they find it in all its green glory and full of Kryptonite. Lex speaks through the bomb using his Darth Vader voice through his Cobra Commander mask. He reveals that they can walk away and be together forever (Rick Astley!) or defuse the bomb but never be together again. Since they know how it's going to end, they embrace and make out one last time with Lex watching, seemingly upset. Lana makes her move towards the bomb, placing her hands on either side and sucks the Kryptonite right out. Clark tries to move closer to the overwhelmed Lana, but can't take two steps without writhing in pain. Fed up with Lex once and for all, he whooshes away to an alley and a truck where the Lex signal has terminated. Lana whooshes into his path, determined to keep Clark from doing something he'll later regret, promising to help punish Lex instead. Why didn't I think of that?! Before any action can be taken, the truck explodes. Clark doesn't seem to know what to make of it.

Chloe is working at Isis when she notices video of Oliver leaving the hospital with the exploding monkey. Speaking of, he shows up to justify the killing of the criminal mastermind. Seems as Winslow has turned on Lex, Oliver is ready to let the husky toy boy take the fall. Chloe can't believe what she's hearing; although she reluctantly admits being relieved Lex is dead.

Montage time! Clark moves in to inspect the truck while releasing the "ashes" of Lex into the wind; Oliver stares at the destroyed Lex portrait from the board room. He seems satisfied, pulling out a green ring; Lana and Chloe share a moment and hug.

Tomwelling_smallville_240_005 Clark returns to the barn to find Lana waiting. There's nothing that can be done about her Kryptonite-absorbing ways. He promises to do everything in his infinite power to get them together again. She will always love him (Whitney!), but she knows what she has to do now. Clark tries to move closer to her, becoming more pained in the process. He eventually grabs and kisses her, even as it transforms his face into a green mess. Lasting as long as he can, he finally collapses, allowing Lana to profess her love one last time as she leaves forever! Clark strains to say it back once she's gone. Tragic, indeed.