'Survivor: Nicaragua': Birthing Gulliver and quitters

naonka-survivor-quitter.jpgThis week we have probably the most disgusting episode of "Survivor" in its 10-year history, for two reasons. The show gets positively "Big Brother"-esque in its cross-promotional schilling, plus two people quit. Which is 100% weak sauce.

But first, the rain has everybody feeling pretty miserable, but some are more vocal about it than others (NaOnka and Kelly, I'm looking at you). The next morning, NaOnka gives Chase her Idol because she's going to quit. Ugh. But unsurprising.

Reward Challenge
They are divided into two teams, tied together, where each team has to untie an 8-foot "Gulliver" (he's also heavy ... downright Brobdingnagian, if you will) and carry him over a series of obstacles. Uh, OK. That's a weird theme -- and then I understand better because it's a cross-promotion with the movie "Gulliver's Travels." Sigh. The Sprint crap is bad enough, but "Survivor" has never before quite sunk to the "Big Brother" level. No matter how much you try to make it sound cool, Jeff Probst, this never will.

The teams are divided into Fabio/Sash/Jane/Kelly and Holly/NaOnka/Chase/Benry and Danny is not chosen, so he picks the Chase/Holly team and if they win, he wins too. The teams are neck-and-neck, but at the very end the Holly/Na/Chase/Benry team pulls it out during the final birthing obstacle.

But wait -- before the reward, NaOnka has to announce that she's quitting. Weak sauce. I already had no respect for her, so I can't go any lower in that regard, but still weak. And then Kelly does too. Seriously, are you kidding?! People want to be on this show SO badly and you quit 3/4 of the way through? That is absolutely ridiculous. NaOnka says she's "not a quitter," but ... uh, yeah, that's exactly what you are. Both of you are giant, weak-a** quitters.

Jeff tells them to think about it and they'll revisit it at Tribal Council (which will now be after the reward). He then gives the winning team a choice for one person to give up the reward in exchange for a new tarp and enough rice to last the rest of the game. Just as I start typing that I bet Holly will do it, she volunteers. Holly's awesome. Meanwhile, Chase is quietly haranguing NaOnka to step up and do it, but she won't. Because she sucks in all ways.

Back at camp, Holly tries to give Kelly a pep talk about quitting and she just whines and whines about her "emotional state." Oh, spare me. I shall not be recapping the reward -- it's movie night. But it's nice of NaOnka to get some hot dogs down her gullet before she quits.

Tribal Council
Jeff immediately calls out the quitters and Alina looks shocked. Uh, yeah. I think they should have to let two jury members back in the game. This is so monumentally unfair to the jury members.

Holly and Jane fill some air by talking about how nobody should quit. Then NaOnka whines about her joints for awhile and says some BS about being the only African-American still there and coming from a line of strong black women, blahblahblah. That would be like patting myself on the back for being the last blonde person still in the game. It has nothing to do with ANYTHING. And if you're quitting -- that's weak. That is the opposite of strong.

NaOnka deludedly thinks she had a shot to win the game, which is laughable. Nobody would've voted to give her a high five, let alone money. But she quits and then so does Purple Kelly.

I'm so disappointed. Marty puts his head in his hands. Me too, Marty. Gross. Alina is in tears. Jeff Probst asks NaOnka what they should do with her torch and I shout out something I can't type here before this is a family site. But yeah, that's what they can both do with their torches.

Worst. Episode. Ever.

In their exit speeches, Kelly has the good grace to apologize to the jury members. NaOnka says she doesn't owe anybody anything. Offffff course you don't.

Questions for NaOnka or Kelly? Leave 'em in the comments.

Photo/Video credit: CBS