'Teen Mom': Amber Portwood's daughter Leah hasn't visited her in jail

amber-portwood-leah-teen-mo.jpg "Teen Mom" star Amber Portwood is enduring a number of hardships in jail, but the hardest thing of all is the fact that she hasn't seen her daughter, Leah, since she began serving a five-year sentence on a drug-related parole violation.

In a candid interview with Dr. Drew Pinsky for the MTV special "Amber Behind Bars," airing Tuesday, Oct. 9, the troubled young mama reveals that her only visitor so far has been her mom.

Her baby daddy, Gary Shirley, "has control over me in here," she says. "He has my daughter. Leah can just be brought in [by someone else, but] it all boils down to Gary as the guardian signing the visitation papers."

Gary's refusal makes Amber feel "like I don't even matter -- I never mattered," she tells Pinsky. "It feels like s***."

She's also angry, but she says, "Anytime I get mad at him on the phone he hangs up on me."

Amber, who is taking anger management classes in prison, acknowledges that her baby daddy is probably "trying to protect Leah too."

"I try to give him excuses. Maybe he just can't handle it. Maybe he doesn't want Leah to cry."

Nor does Leah seem to be aware of Amber's situation.

"I don't really think she understands it at all from what she says on the phone," says her mom. "She actually said, 'Can I come over to your house?' What do you say to 3-year-old? How many times can you say [you're going to get better] without letting them down?"

Amber looks forward to being a better parent when she's finally released from prison.

"I'll be home soon. I'll actually be there for her this time. I'll be the mom she wants."

"Amber Behind Bars: An MTV Special" airs Tuesday, Oct. 9 at 10:00 p.m., followed by "Teen Mom: Ask the Moms" special at 10:30 p.m.
Photo/Video credit: MTV