'The Apprentice' recap: "It Was Like Watching A Horse Die"

donald-trump-celebrity-apprentice-320.jpgPreviously on  "The Apprentice": Sixteen jacka***s lost their jobs and no one cared. Except Trump, so he's going to hire one of them. Last week, David sucked. So did Wade. But the women sucked even more, so Tyana was eliminated. Which means we have at least one more week of Mahsa and David. Kill me now. Up in the suite, the men think Mahsa deserves to go, so they're happy to see Liza walk in. They're less happy to see Mahsa. Even her girlfriends seem annoyed at her, and say she's lacking "a certain polish." That's just a high-society way of saying she's a bitch. Wade tells his gang he's going to be the leader this week, for sure. Steuart says Wade's been nothing but a follower... Um, did I miss the episode in which Steuart was project manager? No? Okay, then. "Money, money, money, money..."

After winning last week, Clint gets his chance to hang out with Steve Forbes. It's all platitudes and two-way praise. Eh, boring. I watch this show for the evil backbiting, not these niceties. So let's make this quick: Success. Business. Advice. Future. Millions. Credit. Income. Big. Blah. Then the candidates are all lined up in a shoe store when Trump comes in with Michael Rupp, CEO and president of Rockport. He explains the challenge is to present a fashion show to their key buyers, including Zappos. The men will present the women's line and the women will present the men's line. Trump's advisers this week are Catherine Roman and Juan Betancourt, executive search consultants (aka headhunters). The candidates just about pee their pants, since looking good to headhunters is almost as good as looking good to Trump. Stephanie and Wade are project managers.

Stephanie tells her team things are going to be different for this task, because they're not going to pick on each other's weaknesses. She puts Kelly in charge of creative, assisted by Poppy and Liza; Mahsa's going to be the time manager; Brandy's going to be emcee because she's beautiful and polished. Kelly tries to get going on the creative, but Stephanie immediately talks over her and comes up with her own idea, "A Day in the Life of Tristan," which has something to do with how much Mahsa loved Legends of the Fall. Stephanie wants to be edgy, so Kelly suggests having the guys come out in boxers and shoes for the finale. She immediately thinks it's too much and regrets it, but everyone else is already excited about the idea.

Octane. Wade's laidback and not causing any drama, so naturally everyone hates him. Wade puts Steuart and Anand in charge of models and clothing, because they're stylish and work well together. Gene and David decide to co-emcee. Wade tells David not to be a smartass, and David assures him it's not standup comedy. Wade decides that if David is going to work well with anyone, it's going to be Gene. Everyone's worried about David, especially now that he might be hopped up on painkillers because of his tooth. He says something about how you're a sad sack of shit if you're not wearing Rockports, and everyone looks shocked. Oh, and also? The guys have no theme. Basically, both teams are a disaster. Of course.

Then Catherine shows up to check in on the guys. She's super sweet to Wade, asking him how he feels about fashion (he's comfortable with it). Wade is checking in on his team and seeing how everyone's doing. Catherine thinks he's not doing a ton of work, but that he's really thought out how he's delegated everything. The models show up to strut for Anand and Steuart. Gene laughs that it's like putting wolves in the henhouse ...

Photo credit: NBC