'The Apprentice' recap: Mean Girls

donald-trump-celebrity-apprentice-320.jpgPreviously: Sixteen crazies came together with one goal: get more famous. Oh, wait. This is about charity or something. They made pizza last week. Star Jones led the women (Team ASAP) to a win, which put the men (Team Backbone) at risk of being fired: Project manager Richard Hatch went head to head with HULKy Jose Canseco and wimpy David Cassidy, and David Cassidy went home. Which brings us to now, where everyone in the war room thinks David's going home. When the guys get back, Jose interviews that it's all going to get ugly now. Hatch thinks the men now know that he's here to play. Star and Lisa recap their boardroom bitching from last week, and seem to make up. But, in individual interviews, each one thinks she's the bigger badass. Star says she's all for the team winning always, but if they lose, she knows she'll win the argument. "I'm not worried about that." Abbreviated opening ("Money, money, money, money...") followed by Star giving her own heart doctor, Valentin Fuster, a check for almost $170,000 for the American Heart Association.

Teams gather on a windy New York street, where Trump and the Trumplets (Don and Eric) greet them. Trump asks Jose about "his friend" Hatch still being here, and Jose's like, "Oh, we're not friends." Hatch says he's happy to be here, then interviews that he has to be concerned about how he's being perceived more than he was in the first episode (this man knows his strategy, y'all), which may be why he's shaved his beard since last week. He's showing a softer, fresh-faced Hatch. Trump tells them they're standing in front of Madison Square Garden, which is going through a multi-million-dollar renovation.

Eric fills them in on their task: They'll create and write a children's book -- developing characters and writing the story. The story has to be based on at least one member of their team, and then must be performed for a group of children. Don says they'll be judged on three criteria: originality, presentation, and age-appropriateness. They'll be judged by a children's book publisher and non-winning Celebrity Apprentice winner (or winning non-winner?) Holly Robinson Peete. Backbone chooses Meat Loaf as project manager, mostly because no one else wants to do it (but also because his charity, Painted Turtle, is for children, and he loves children; everyone else hates children, I guess). Lisa's forced to project manage for ASAP. Nene says they chose her because she won't be able to handle it, and they just want to get her out now. Trump thinks both Lisa and Meat Loaf are great choices. The winning project manager will get $20,000 for his or her charity.