'The Apprentice' recap: That's Entertainment(.com)!

celebrity-apprentice-donald-trump.jpgHello, everyone! It's me, Potes! This week, I am subbing for Joe R., who is plum tuckered out from two days of delivering candy to thousands of children across the country. Yes, you heard me right. Joe R. is the Easter Bunny. It's seasonal work, but an honest living, and one that brings joy and cavities to the youth of our nation. Joe R., we salute you! And now on to the show.

Previously on this crazy ****ing show that feels the need to bless us with THREE HOUR EPISODES every so often: NYC guidebooks! The men won by a measly $14 (though, really, $35,014 if you discount the bonus prize the women got for having a better book) and Teresa took on Miss Electric Youth herself, leaving Debbie Gibson to shake her love to the unemployment line. Now we can all forget about Debbie Gibson again, hooray. Because the women have sucked so bad, Trump mixed up the teams for the "Walk with Walgreens" challenge. Arsenio, Clay and Paul got to directly experience the pain in the ass that is Aubrey, while Lisa stayed true to her belief that Dayana is a useless idiot. And then in the boardroom Arsenio lost his freaking mind! His team won, but Aubrey went MIA as part of her constant bid for attention. While all this hullabaloo was happening, Dee was fired. He WAS gonna take it anymore, apparently. Back in the holding room, Aresenio kept freaking the **** out and also made reference to Aubrey's stank ass. Good times, everyone.

Post-Pinkslip Aftermath:
As Arsenio's team tries to strategize about what to do with Aubrey if she ever comes back, Lisa and Penn enter. Lisa of course takes Aubrey's side in the whole Team Unanimous debacle, and is quite disparaging about Clay and Arsenio in the process. I really wish someone would take Lisa into the boardroom on the grounds that she is a completely hostile psycho. The only reason she's so valuable is because no one else on her teams thus far has been functionally literate. But she's not just mean, she's a complete emotional wreck, and those qualities together make for the worst kind of person. Could you imagine her as, like, your office manager? I also don't think she's very funny, but that's a whole separate matter.

We get to hear some more about how Arsenio's cousin died of AIDS, and Aubrey's narcissism, and Arsenio freaks out some more. OH, but then he starts yelling, "**** that whore," repeatedly, which is not at all cool. Lisa then takes him down for this, which makes me like her for one hot second, but then Arsenio makes a somewhat decent point when he says that she's the last person who should lecture anyone on their language. Ugh, just fire them both. That's the answer to every debate on this show. Lisa tells Arsenio not to ruin his entire career by making the women of America hate him. Paul compares the whole situation to poking beehives, which actually sounds like a more pleasant way to spend a Sunday evening.