'The Bachelor' recap: Thank U 4 a Funky Time, Darling Nicki

ben-flajnik-bachelor.jpgTonight on The Bachelor: Ben Flahjjnqnésajn sleeps with three busted-up white girls, then picks which two were the best! I love the overnight dates -- it's a sign you're getting close to the end of a long journey. It's like when the flight attendant makes the announcement to return your chairs to the upright position because the plane is about to begin its descent. Although in this case the women are instructed to assume a horizontal position.

Ben packs up in his hotel room, talking some inane **** about how he has one more "key card" in his journey, which is Switzerland, and how he can see a life with all three of these women, but he doesn't mean it in a Big Love way. As far as we know, he's still planning to ask only one to marry him.

First up, Nicki: there's always something "enticing" about Nicki. She's a dark horse, and she deserves a Nobel prize for not curling up into a fetal position when it rained on their date in Puerto Rico. Jesus, this show lasts only ten weeks -- you don't GET A CLIP SHOW. The Bachelor thinks we all have the attention span of gerbils.

Lindzi is a little bit country and a little bit city, and Ben wants to have sex with a horse, or something. He says Lindzi is funny and open, and plus he'll get to pull his in-laws around in a carriage.

Also, there is Courtney.