'The Bachelor' recap: "What Do You Get When You Cross a Gingerbread Man With a Hooker?"

ben-flajnik-bachelor.jpgSonoma, California, home of Ben Flajninkva, who is ecstatic because eighteen beautiful women are coming to vie for his affections. The women are currently in a plane, befouling the limited cabin oxygen with the stench of spray-on tan and chardonnay. He wonders what his father would have said to him in a moment like this. I suspect the word "jackass" may have come up.

All of the women are in that scenario where they're excited just for the chance to have a date with Ben, and not yet ready to commit homicide because Ben spent five minutes more with someone else. It's kind of magical, in its own way! Kacie B. gets the first date card, which she and the other women seem to think is some kind of honor. "I'm the luckiest girl alive right now," she says. Dangerously low expectations may be Ben's greatest ally here.

Then the ominous music starts up, and Courtney tells us Kacie B. is kind of annoying, and Courtney wouldn't care if Kacie B. didn't come home. Ben tells us he picked her because she's a real, genuine woman, instead of his usual type, which are always a pain to deflate and get back in the box.

So for the first date they go driving around Sonoma, apparently. Maybe they'll split a few beers in the 7-Eleven parking lot later! "Showing her my town is a good way to kind of let her in early," he says. Kacie calls it a quaint little town.