'The Big Bang Theory,' 'The Good Wife' and more of the best lines on TV this week
â€ª"I'm through with polite." -- Diane (Christine Baranski), telling Will (Josh Charles) she was on board with him after being dropped from consideration for a judgeshipâ€¬ on "The Good Wife"
"You don't realize how overused the word 'breathtaking' is until something actually takes your breath away." -- Scott Pelley, on driving a Lamborghini, on "60 Minutes"
â€ª"I've got a baptism thing going on here!" -- Molly (Melissa McCarthy), walking through the rain after quitting her teaching jobâ€¬, on "Mike & Molly"
â€ª"I am so upset! I'm stuck in a lie." -- Han (Matthew Moy), on "2 Broke Girls"â€¬
â€ª"Well, it's better than the time you got stuck in a backpack."â€¬ -- Max (Kat Dennings)
â€ª"I realize you're new at this, Agent Keen, but some rules doesn't have exceptions. Giving up a weapon? That happens to be at the top of the list." -- FBI Assistant Director Cooper (Harry Lennix) to Elizabeth (Megan Boone), on " The Blacklist"â€¬
"I don't sweat. I glisten." - Agent Phil Coulson (Clark Gregg), on "Agents of SHIELD"
"You can slap my wrists until their bloody lady, I don't give a s***. I'm giving you a win well above your pay grade." - Jax (Charlie Hunnam) to District Attorney Patterson (CCH Pounder) on "Sons of Anarchy"
"The other day I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail. I shouldn't have to tell him that." - Jess (Zooey Deschanel), explaining Nick's (Jake Johnson) immaturity, on "New Girl"
"He has guests. Perhaps the kind he shouldn't be inviting." -- Mrs. Grunwald (Meg Foster), on "Ravenswood"
"What on earth is number drunk moms?" -- Diane (Marcia Gay Harden), on "Trophy Wife"
"It's #drunkmoms." -- Hillary (Bailee Madison)
"Make it go away." -- Diane
"I can't, I didn't upload it." -- Hillary
"Huh?" -- Diane
"OK, you seriously need to learn how the internet works." -- Hillary
"Make it go away." -- Diane
"I can't, only Meg can." -- Hillary
"I didn't know that drunk could even afford the internet." -- Diane
"Put it in the suck-it bucket." -- Gina (Chelsea Peretti) to Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) after her pie wins a contest, on "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
"I once found a note [Nick] wrote to himself that said 'put on pants,' followed by a question mark. ... Also, he throws pizza at seagulls, which I guess is kind of nice since he's trying to feed them." -- Jess, on "New Girl"
"I prefer the term 'mis-incarcerated.'" -- Mozzie (Willie Garson), on "White Collar"
"That sounds like you just won a prison pageant." -- Neal (Matt Bomer)
"A) I could, and B) I'll think of a better term." -- Mozzie
"Mr. Henry, you're soaked! Can you be in the rain with your condition?" -- Kay (Ana Nogueira), on "The Michael J. Fox Show"
"Kay, I have Parkinson's. I'm not a witch." -- Mike (Michael J. Fox)
"They're gonna have sex before Sheldon and I do. I knew it!" - Amy (Mayim Bialik), about Howard (Simon Helberg_ and Raj (Kunal Nayyar), on "The Big Bang Theory"
"Maybe they're not politicians. Maybe they're actually comedians but they have bad scriptwriters. Think about that?" -- Sir Patrick Stewart on "The Daily Show"
"I can't wait to see what next week brings!" -- Kenny Rogers, after winning
the CMA's Willie Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award and being inducted into
the Country Music Hall of Fame, on the 2013 CMA Awards
"Luckily, Dolly did have air bags. However, the ones in the car did not
deploy." -- Brad Paisley, about Dolly Parton (who's recuperating from a car
accident), on the 2013 CMA Awards
"Try not to smile when they boo when I'm introduced." -- Frank (Tom Selleck) to Mayor Poole, about a town hall meeting to address a shooting by a police officer, on "Blue Bloods"
"I'll only be a moment. If you can't wait patiently, feel free to find something to occupy your time. Have sex with my brother, perhaps." -- Sherlock Holmes (Jonny Lee Miller) to Joan Watson (Lucy Liu), having found out she slept with Mycroft (Rhys Ifans), on "Elementary"