'The Biggest Loser' recap: Fat (Second) Chance

biggest-loser-sami-dolvett-bob.jpgPreviously: In a move that ensured the enduring dislike of just about everyone, the Losers banded together to protest an upcoming twist and shut down production until NBC legal politely pointed out their signed contracts. Buddy and Mark walked, but -- just our luck! -- Conda and Jeremy stayed, and so did Kim. Jeremy fell under the red line and was eliminated, while Conda and Kim were ensured a spot in the finals. And now they are totally getting this season over with as soon as possible because, as a nation, we officially do not give a rat about these jerks anymore.

ALSO previously, Miss Alison Sweeney tweeted me! I know! I die! She quite politely asked if I would ever stop calling her Sami. She did so without malice, and claimed not to mind, but now that she's brought it up I feel I should at least attempt to use her actual name in these recaps. End of an era! As someone who started watching Days of Our Lives at the tender age of 8 or 9 (thanks, teachers' strike!), she will, however, always be Sami in my heart.

We begin this episode where we left off last week, with the previous crop of contestants entering the weigh-in room. Some of them look VERY skinny! And some of them look VERY unfamiliar! Seriously, who is the guy in the brown shirt? Mike, who was booted after only two weeks on the ranch (and I think was the one who chewed tobacco or something and was generally unpleasant), really looks fantastic. He is a contender for sure. Chism is there too, looking like he probably won't win the chance to be a finalist. His dad is, of course, notably absent. Don't you love how after last week's episode aired Mark just talked about Jesus a lot in his explanation of why he left the show? I feel like the Lord's position on this one would have been, "...But it was in your contract."

So, here's the deal. The returning contestants will compete in a multi-tiered challenge, and the ultimate winner will be the third finalist in competition for the $250,000 and title of Biggest Loser. In the first phase of the competition, the contestants will weigh-in. The eight who have the highest percentage of weight lost will move on, while the other seven are released to compete for the at-home prize and, in Adrian's case, perfect the knot on his ascot. Miss Alison Sweeney reminds everyone that if you quit the game, you are not eligible for jack. Thus, Mark and Buddy (and someone else who I can't remember, I think) are not in attendance. Conda is, predictably, a hag about the whole thing and actually takes a position against second chances. After all, it's much better to have your brother and an alliance of idiots cushion your way into the finals while you do little more than whine and be annoying. Working incredibly hard on your own to earn a position is just plain unfair!