'The Biggest Loser' recap: Michelle Obama!

biggest-loser-sami-dolvett-bob.jpgPreviously: I asked you to play a rousing round of ****/Marry/Kill featuring Jillian, Dolvett, and Bob. And the results are in! I put them in a little spreadsheet and everything for accurate tallying. So, you people overwhelmingly want to **** Dolvett. He's so ****able, in fact, that absolutely no one wanted to kill him! It would be a waste of majestic abs, truly. Jillian took the "marry" category, followed by Dolvett, with Bob getting a few pity marriages. Bob should find those people who want to marry him and thank them personally, because just about everyone else would kill him. Jillian did get a fair few "kill" rankings, but twice as many people would kill Bob. It's no wonder he bears such ill will toward Dolvett! This never would have happened if Cara were still on the show.

We enter the week with Conda talking about how hard it was to vote out Megan. But Mark was her friend, too, so she had to drop the axe. That's what friends are for! To be mean to you for a while, and then maybe get slightly nicer, and then vote you out. Blah blah, tears. Jeremy tells us that Conda needs to keep her eyes on the prize and stay focused on her end goal. With six people left, they're in a fight to the finish. He tells Conda that Megan is home chasing horses, and is probably just fine. Can you even believe Conda is still here? I blame Jeremy for that, mostly.

And then, because this is a one hour episode (blessed event!) we head right into a challenge. Each of the contestants enters a field at nighttime, and stands next to a window containing a life-sized photo or his or herself from the beginning of the competition. Sami explains that the Losers will have to climb a cargo net, grab a baseball, race back, and fire it at their windows using a slingshot. There are two panes of glass in each window, and the player who breaks through both panes first wins a one-pound advantage. As I think you know, a pound is quite valuable. But wait, there's more! The person who comes in last gets a one-pound disadvantage, which is very unwelcome news.

The challenge begins, and Kim breaks a pane right off the bat! She was aiming for the dead eyes in her photo, which I choose to interpret as a tip of the hat to Tyra Banks. Look for Kim to be smizing in all subsequent photos. Buddy and Chris both hit their portraits, too, and soon after Buddy gets his second pane and is named the challenge winner. Mark hits one of his panes, leaving Conda and Jeremy to be the only contestants not to have hit their windows. Soon, Mark hits his second pane and is excited to have avoided the one-pound disadvantage. Jeremy turns out to be hopeless with a slingshot, and wonders if his window is made of Plexiglas. Kim breaks her pane and takes third place, and through some miracle of slingshot technology, Jeremy actually manages to take fourth place. This leaves Conda and Chris to duke it out. And Chris breaks her final pane first! Ha. Conda is very pouty about the whole situation, as you might imagine. Even more pouty than her natural pouty state!