'The Biggest Loser' recap: Sister Act

biggest-loser-jillian-bob-320.jpgFirst of all, big thanks to Angel for bravely taking over recapping duties while I was out of town for work. I wish I had told her that I was gone for four weeks. Seriously, can you believe this s*** isn't over yet? EPISODE 20!!!! It's really gotten out of control. I am celebrating this penultimate episode of Loser with a very special guest, my penultimate box of Girl Scout cookies. Oh, Peanut Butter Patties -- you will forever be known to me as Tagalongs. And as my one true love.

Anyway, here on Purgatory Ranch, people were once really fat. I know! Crazy. Jay was fat. Irene was fat. Olivia was fat. Even Hannah was fat. And they were all really sad, thus belying that old "jolly" stereotype. Then Jillian screamed at them, and Bob screamed at them, and Jillian screamed at them some more, and they all got skinnier and happier. We get the total weight loss rundown. Olivia has lost 108 pounds. Jay has lost 154 pounds. Irene has lost 108 pounds. Hannah has lost 98 pounds. Sami congratulates these contestants on being the final four, and they all celebrate by saying the words "final four" ad infinitum.

Back at the house, Hannah and Olivia collapse on their beds in a really girly way and then high five at their accomplishment of being half of the final four. Olivia says that the Purple Team stands for all of the people who don't fit in some perfect box of looking like a champion or an athlete or whatever. They're just regular girls who like monkey bread and gave 100% effort and are now hot, with maybe the exception of Hannah's unfortunate makeover hair. Ken Paves should be fired from all of TV for that.

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