'The Biggest Loser' recap: The Greatest Love of All

biggest-loser-jillian-bob-320.jpgLast week, Jay was eliminated and Jen had a fit of crying. We pick up immediately after Jay leaves, because Sami has something to tell all of the contestants. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's dastardly. The Black Team enters the elimination room, and Sami notes that the teams are extremely important. The contestants compete with their teams, and weigh-in with their teams, however they get eliminated all by themselves. Except for this week, that is, because two players are being eliminated. The team that loses the weigh-in will have to vote someone off, but there's also going to be a dreaded Red Line -- a Dreadline? -- that the contestants will face as individuals. The Dreadline doesn't care about teams, and will just straight up eliminate the person with the lowest percentage of weight. The Dreadline is color blind. The Dreadline doesn't want to hear your sob story about your lack of support system at home. The Dreadline hates your mom. Nobody wants to fall below the Dreadline, obvs.

Cara and Brett visit with the Red Team and see that Jay is missing. Both Cara and Brett speak very highly of Jay, both for his personal qualities and his work ethic. Rulon tells the trainers about the Dreadline and double elimination. Brett is ready to beat his team members into oblivion to make sure that they don't lose two more players. To wit, he and Cara are taking the Red Team on a field trip. Before we can do one bicep curl, they wind up at a place called Bas Rutten's MMA System. Is this Nazi propaganda? I don't understand any of these words, but they sound vaguely sinister. Brett explains that they're at a mixed martial arts gym, run by famed Nazi sympathizer Bas Rutten. And I'm joking, obviously, but then we see a picture of Bas Rutten and it's all a little American History X for my taste. But Wikipedia tells me that Bas Rutten is just a nice Dutch man who was bulled in high school for having eczema on his hands. Rulon tells us that Bas Rutten was a commentator when he fought in Japan in 2004 for something called Pride Fight. Are these people gay Nazis? Do you lip sync for your life at Pride Fight? Are there floats? What the heck is even going on?

Gay Nazis or no, the training for the Red Team involves a lot of punching and kicking bags. Cara says she's going to push her team to the breaking point and beyond, because it's do or die time. The punching and kicking is mixed with shrill screaming, and it all gets very dramatic. And we're only six minutes into the episode! Brett tells us that his biggest objective this week is to protect Kaylee, who is very close to her target weight. He says it would be catastrophic if Kaylee went home, because she's a pulse of the team. Kaylee is motivated by the Dreadline, and says it's not an option to fall beneath it. Next, the Red Team members have to work with partners, and beat the crap out of each other with only pads standing between them and broken bones. This does not look fun to me. Austin tells us that there's a different energy in the studio, which is what happens when you beat the shit out of each other. It changes the dynamic, I think. Their third and final stop is the sparring room. Brett holds a pair of pads up, and the team members have to move differently depending on where he puts them. And whatever they do, Brett is going to fight back at them. So, more beating on each other. Apparently it burns a lot of calories. Wait an extra couple of minutes to break up that fight in the schoolyard and help conquer childhood obesity!