'The Biggest Loser' recap: Waist Deep in the Big Muddy

biggest-loser-sami-dolvett-bob.jpgIt's Super Tuesday! And seriously, people: Rick Santorum? Jesus. I thought we got rid of that lunatic a few years ago. Literally every day at some point I go, "But...Santorum?" It's sort of wondrous, in a very terrifying way.

Anyway, last week on Biggest Loser: Chism got the boot after a few weeks at home, and Mark kind of lost his mind. It was no one's fault but Chism's, though, as he didn't meet a defined weight loss target needed for immunity and everyone else on his team did. I hope that when we see him again on the finale he'll have made the wise decision to start going by a different name. Tonight's excuse: "I can't get out of my comfort zone." Is that an excuse that people actually use? If the excuses are this random in Week 10, imagine what madness is in store! Week 14: "My toe hurts." That one's actually legit, though.

We enter with Mark crying to his team and Dolvett. Mark is surprised that he's still there and Chism is gone. Buddy tells him to go for it in the remainder of the competition and soak it up, so Chism can get all the blessings of the ranch through him. Frankly, Buddy lost me when he started talking about channeling blessings, unless he means blessings of the ranch dressing. The dressing blessings. I like to bestow those on Buffalo wings a few times a month. Dolvett tells Mark to go to bed tonight knowing that things are how they're supposed to be. Mark is proud to still be with the Red Team, and wants everyone to know that he isn't giving up. He's optimistic and confident about what's ahead, and is going to move forward and make Chism and the rest of his family proud. However, he still, like, cries himself to sleep. You have to enjoy a big guy who isn't afraid to do like Miss Joan Armatrading instructed and show some emotion.

The next morning, Sami visits the teams in a pink and black striped sequined top. She tells them that they've been engaged in an epic battle for ten weeks, and currently are tied: each team has won five weigh-ins. She repeats the excuse about the comfort zone, then tells everyone that things are about to get very uncomfortable. They're switching trainers. Everyone freaks out, as they are wont to do. Except for Jeremy! He's been through this kind of thing before, so is totally cool with it. For that alone, he's my pick for the winner. Emily, however, is not so cool about the whole thing and tells us that she is worried about her mental state. Sami drops some additional news: the team that wins the weigh-in will be the only team to vote at elimination. That will undoubtedly mess up everyone's scheming. To add further discomfort, the teams have to explain this twist to their trainers. Cassandra has a tenuous grasp on not freaking out, but reserves the right to revise that if this trainer switch is permanent.