'The Biggest Loser': We don't need no stinkin' ranch!

daris-george-biggest-loser-s9-320.jpgLeaving " The Biggest Loser" ranch usually causes weight gain, but this season's contestants manage to drop double digits while gulping cupcakes at home.

For the next week, everyone will be spending their time back in the same houses where they packed on the pounds. Instead of sitting on their couch and eating Oreos, they'll be doing push-ups and chomping on carrot sticks. After a cheesy montage of family reunions, everyone finds a giant crate waiting to be opened. Sadly, it's not a Leg Lamp... it's just an exercise bike. Just like from Week 1. Alison Sweeney explains via DVD that they'll each bike a marathon by themselves. The winner will get $10,000.

So what's the catch? Ah, that must be the box of Sprinkles Cupcakes. For every cupcake consumed, the player gets 100 calories but gets to add five minutes to an opponent's final time. Sneaky. Half the contestants opt out of the binge session, while players like Mike and Lance (encouraged by the evil Melissa barking in his ear) are stupid enough to down handfuls of cupcakes in an effort to win the money.  

In the meantime, everyone is adapting to life outside the ranch. They're doing normal things like bowling, eating out, and trying to pick up chicks. Oh noes! Sam's family is fixing biscuits and gravy, with a side of bacon and lard! What's a boy to do? No fear, the Blackberry Biggest Loser Application is here! And it's so simple. It's a good thing he had that handy for those non-staged life moments.

It's time for the 26.2 bike race. So here's the deal: everyone's family gathers around to watch while one person gives updates on their competitors' progress. Naturally, Sam takes an early lead and keeps it until the very end, followed in second by his teammate Koli then Lance. Mike comes in last place, but even he knew that was coming. Don't forget about those (delicious) cupcakes, though. Sam was a big target and got so many penalties he was sent to last place. Luckily, no one bothered to eat a cupcake in Koli's honor, so the Tongan wins the money.

lance-morgan-biggest-loser-s9-320.jpgSo now we're back on the ranch and the players get Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper back as their trainers. In seasons past, this week has always been questionable as far as weight loss is concerned. It usually goes up and down across the board; some lose weight, some gain, and some stay the same. This week, however, stunned us all. The smallest loss we see is by Daris with four pounds, but other than that, it's huge numbers. Sunshine, Lance, and Mike all lose eight pounds for the Blue Team. If you tack on Koli's 10-pound loss, the Black Team has their work cut out for them. But thanks to Sam's amazing 14 pounds, Ashley's ten, and Stephanie's nine, the Black Team steals the victory again.

Well, someone has to go. For some reason, they see Lance as the bigger threat and send him packing. Que sera, sera. On the update, we see that's he's lost a total of 100 pounds and is now climbing mountains and other cool stuff. More importantly, he knows his animal tracks.

Next week... an eliminated contestant returns! Pleeeeease not Melissa.