'The Blacklist,' 'House of Cards' and more of TV's best lines from the week of Feb. 23-March 1

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community-blacklist-house-of-cards-feb-23-march-1-best-lines.jpgThe Olympics are over and scripted TV is back, which means juicy quotes from shows like "The Blacklist" and "Scandal," which have taken a backseat to all the winter sports we've been watching for the past month. Read on for more of TV's best lines from the week of Feb. 23 to March 1:

'Broad City'
Ilana, after looking at the Facebook profile of the guy who just friended Abbi: "He likes 'Roseanne'?! This -- this is your next sexual partner."


Hannibal: "I never feel guilty about eating anything."

Hannibal: "It's rare that I cook a meatless meal."

Will, to Hannibal: "I'm going to remember, and when I do, there will be a reckoning."


Fiona, after telling Lip she doesn't want to accept a plea deal after their baby brother ingested her cocaine: "I can't go back to jail."
Lip: "Of course this is all about you."
Fiona: Yes, this is about me. Okay, cause it's never about me and I'm finally making it about me!"
Lip: "So what, I'm supposed to drop out of school while you do five years?!"
Fiona: "I'm not guilty!"
Lip: "Liam almost died! And that was you! All f***ing you. Your coke, your boyfriend, your f***cked up life. Not mine! Alright?"


Ian Duncan: "Have you met the women that do like me, Jeff? Neither have I, but trust me -- they're bad people."

Ian Duncan: "She's everything I love about America: bold, opinionated, just past her peak and starting to realize that she has to settle for less."

Abed: "You're not the Marco Polo of bullying. You're just another tourist taking a picture of a big wall."

Annie: "Chang, you cannot be on the committee if you're going to be actively insane."


Oliver: "When you come back from the dead, you get a party."

Felicity: "I've always wanted to say I've taken a bullet for someone and now I have. So I really should be thanking you."

'New Girl'

Schmidt: "Nobody deals with crazy girls better than I do. Crazy girls are kinda' my 'Hurt Locker.'"

'House of Cards'

Frank: "Do not mistake any history you have shared for the slightest understanding of what our marriage is. Or how insignificant you are in comparison."

Evelyn: "Loyalty's not her thing."

Frank: "A slice of pie is good for the soul."

Frank: "We had heat like that back in Gaffney, but we didn't know what air conditioning was, so we just accepted as fact that summer was meant to be miserable."


Shawn: "Holy cow. The mobster's moll was having an affair with the cocoa crooner."

Lassiter: "You've never left me out there, not for one day. ... I never would've gotten here without you. You are so much more than a partner."

'Pretty Little Liars'

Hanna: "Aria, if it were me, I would've burned this whole place down."


Eli Pope: "Run, Olivia, run. Because mark my words: Fitzgerald Grant is not going to make it to the end of his term."

Sally Langston, losing her mind: "I did not murder my husband, Leo. The devil murdered my husband when he snuck up inside me."

James: "My husband's a monster, David ... And he thinks he doesn't have a weakness. But he does: Me."

Olivia to Jake, new head of B613: "Got a night off from ruling the Underworld?"

'The Big Bang Theory'

Amy to Sheldon: "Hey, you were funny on purpose. Good job!"

Leonard: "Sheldon, you didn't have a personality. You just had some shows you liked."

Leonard on Sheldon: "Don't anthropomorphize him. He's got big eyes, but his feelings are not like ours."

'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'

Peralta: "All I have are my grandma's old klezmer records and I still haven't quite figured out how to sync up the beats, but it's not bad, right?"
Gina: "It's awful. It sounds like Joy Behar falling down some stairs."


Castle: "Justin Marquette is a member of the Brewster Theatre Company and is currently appearing in their off-off-off-Broadway of Chekov's 'Platonoff.' That's a lot of 'offs.'"

Castle: "11 seconds to a confession. That's got to be your personal best."

Beckett: "If I have to hear that confession one more time, I'm gonna shoot somebody."

'Teen Wolf'

Oliver: "You would be surprised how many Jesuses we get."

Stiles: "You're a little weird. She's a lot weird."

Stiles: "OK then. Missed our talks. Thanks for the illicit drugs!"

Scott: "Give me the finger ... You know what I mean!"

'Downton Abbey'

Edith: "I sometimes think we should make more scenes, about things that really matter to us."

Ethan: "Are you excited?"
Daisy: "I'm never excited."

'The Blacklist'

Red: "I had a little talk with Rasil. We had a few laughs, compared notes about you. He told me all about that delightful thing you do with a trouser belt, which was a bit hurtful since I was pretty sure it was our thing."


Pam: "How hot am I now? Lemme answer that for you: As balls."

'How I Met Your Mother'

Robin: "I think my fiancee peed himself a little. [Pause] Awww, tomorrow I'll be able to say my husband peed himself a little."  

Barney: "You did Weekend at Barney's and it worked? God, today's going to be all downhill from here."
Robin: "That's what the bride wants to hear."
Barney: "No, that's not what I meant. I just mean, Weekend at Barney's is a thousand times more amazing than my wedding ever could be."

'The Walking Dead'

Abraham: "Tell me how in the holy Hell did you possibly kill this truck?"
Eugene: "A fully amped up state and an ignorance of rapid firing weapons."  

Eugene: "Trust me. I'm smarter than you."
Photo/Video credit: NBC, Netflix