'The Blacklist,' 'House of Cards' and more of TV's best lines from the week of Feb. 23-March 1
Ilana, after looking at the Facebook profile of the guy who just friended Abbi: "He likes 'Roseanne'?! This -- this is your next sexual partner."
Hannibal: "I never feel guilty about eating anything."
Hannibal: "It's rare that I cook a meatless meal."
Will, to Hannibal: "I'm going to remember, and when I do, there will be a reckoning."
Fiona, after telling Lip she doesn't want to accept a plea deal after their baby brother ingested her cocaine: "I can't go back to jail."
Lip: "Of course this is all about you."
Fiona: Yes, this is about me. Okay, cause it's never about me and I'm finally making it about me!"
Lip: "So what, I'm supposed to drop out of school while you do five years?!"
Fiona: "I'm not guilty!"
Lip: "Liam almost died! And that was you! All f***ing you. Your coke, your boyfriend, your f***cked up life. Not mine! Alright?"
Ian Duncan: "Have you met the women that do like me, Jeff? Neither have I, but trust me -- they're bad people."
Ian Duncan: "She's everything I love about America: bold, opinionated, just past her peak and starting to realize that she has to settle for less."
Abed: "You're not the Marco Polo of bullying. You're just another tourist taking a picture of a big wall."
Annie: "Chang, you cannot be on the committee if you're going to be actively insane."
Oliver: "When you come back from the dead, you get a party."
Felicity: "I've always wanted to say I've taken a bullet for someone and now I have. So I really should be thanking you."
Schmidt: "Nobody deals with crazy girls better than I do. Crazy girls are kinda' my 'Hurt Locker.'"
'House of Cards'
Frank: "Do not mistake any history you have shared for the slightest understanding of what our marriage is. Or how insignificant you are in comparison."
Evelyn: "Loyalty's not her thing."
Frank: "A slice of pie is good for the soul."
Frank: "We had heat like that back in Gaffney, but we didn't know what air conditioning was, so we just accepted as fact that summer was meant to be miserable."
Shawn: "Holy cow. The mobster's moll was having an affair with the cocoa crooner."
Lassiter: "You've never left me out there, not for one day. ... I never would've gotten here without you. You are so much more than a partner."
'Pretty Little Liars'
Hanna: "Aria, if it were me, I would've burned this whole place down."
Eli Pope: "Run, Olivia, run. Because mark my words: Fitzgerald Grant is not going to make it to the end of his term."
Sally Langston, losing her mind: "I did not murder my husband, Leo. The devil murdered my husband when he snuck up inside me."
James: "My husband's a monster, David ... And he thinks he doesn't have a weakness. But he does: Me."
Olivia to Jake, new head of B613: "Got a night off from ruling the Underworld?"
'The Big Bang Theory'
Amy to Sheldon: "Hey, you were funny on purpose. Good job!"
Leonard: "Sheldon, you didn't have a personality. You just had some shows you liked."
Leonard on Sheldon: "Don't anthropomorphize him. He's got big eyes, but his feelings are not like ours."
Peralta: "All I have are my grandma's old klezmer records and I still haven't quite figured out how to sync up the beats, but it's not bad, right?"
Gina: "It's awful. It sounds like Joy Behar falling down some stairs."
Castle: "Justin Marquette is a member of the Brewster Theatre Company and is currently appearing in their off-off-off-Broadway of Chekov's 'Platonoff.' That's a lot of 'offs.'"
Castle: "11 seconds to a confession. That's got to be your personal best."
Beckett: "If I have to hear that confession one more time, I'm gonna shoot somebody."
Oliver: "You would be surprised how many Jesuses we get."
Stiles: "You're a little weird. She's a lot weird."
Stiles: "OK then. Missed our talks. Thanks for the illicit drugs!"
Scott: "Give me the finger ... You know what I mean!"
Edith: "I sometimes think we should make more scenes, about things that really matter to us."
Ethan: "Are you excited?"
Daisy: "I'm never excited."
Red: "I had a little talk with Rasil. We had a few laughs, compared notes about you. He told me all about that delightful thing you do with a trouser belt, which was a bit hurtful since I was pretty sure it was our thing."
Pam: "How hot am I now? Lemme answer that for you: As balls."
'How I Met Your Mother'
Robin: "I think my fiancee peed himself a little. [Pause] Awww, tomorrow I'll be able to say my husband peed himself a little."
Barney: "You did Weekend at Barney's and it worked? God, today's going to be all downhill from here."
Robin: "That's what the bride wants to hear."
Barney: "No, that's not what I meant. I just mean, Weekend at Barney's is a thousand times more amazing than my wedding ever could be."
'The Walking Dead'
Abraham: "Tell me how in the holy Hell did you possibly kill this truck?"
Eugene: "A fully amped up state and an ignorance of rapid firing weapons."
Eugene: "Trust me. I'm smarter than you."