'The Colbert Report'
When you celebrate The Colbert Report, which airs weeknights on Comedy Central, you celebrate much more than a television show: you celebrate life. And not some lame life either, such as an elementary-school teacher or a nurse -- no, you celebrate the life of the greatest living American, Stephen Horatio Colbert. And no, that's not his actual middle name (it's Tyrone), but luckily, the facts are not really that important here. So call your Republican friends and anyone you know from the NRA, because it's time to heal, America!
Setting the scene:
To be truly authentic, we suggest re-creating the set of The Colbert Report stick by stick. That means images of bald eagles snatching salmon from the sea, American flags fluttering in the breeze created by oscillating fans powered by good old American electricity, and a portrait of our hero in front of a portrait of our hero in front of ... well, you get the idea. Don't forget the On Notice dry-erase board (already featuring Lutherans, Black Hole at Center of Galaxy, and grizzly bears), and have guests add new concerns throughout the evening. Print copies of the Colbert Nation Covenant for the guests to proudly hang in their own homes. Party favors may include Stephen's red wriststrong bracelets, Colbert Nation window stickers and copies of the Tek Jansen comic book. All of these items are available at the Eagle's Nest gift shop at www.colbertnation.com. Also, hang a sign that reads "Truthiness (this way)" over the bathroom door.
This is America, people, so guests can dress however they like -- assuming their attire features the colors red, white and blue and has the letters NRA or McCAIN on it. Also acceptable, a white T-shirt with "Property of Colbert Nation" spelled out in the blood of your local Democratic Party chairman.
On the menu:
Wings -- but only the right ones.
On the hi-fi:
While our heart tells us to go with Lee Greenwood's God Bless the U.S.A., our feet make us suggest that Korean cutie-patootie and Stephen's archnemesis, Rain. Stephen is encouraging Americans to embrace Korean culture the way we did in the glory days of the early 1950s. (If you've not seen the dance-off between the two from the May 5 episode, you're depriving yourself of a good laugh!)
Sure, pretending to be on The Colbert Report will be fun, but actually going to a taping of the show would be better. Studios are at 513 W. 54th St., in New York. While there, stay at the luxurious Mandarin Oriental hotel. Rain would approve.