Setting the scene:
Gadzooks! It's hot here in The Glades. People don't perspire; they liquefy. So first and foremost, we need to re-create Florida's finest weather in your living room, so go out and get yourself three humidifiers, some sunlamps and a whole lot of palm plants. Add a small putting green, some golf clubs and a chalk outline of a body somewhere near the mini pro shop. Have bags of oranges piled in every corner and give them as party favors. Consider hiring a mobile spray-tanning salon to come over and "tan" your guests. After they've bronzed, have them try their luck on the putting green. And why not do some good by having a Florida trivia contest where guests cough up money for every wrong answer they give, then donate that cash to the Gulf Coast Oil Spill Fund? Party details should be sent written on the inside of golf visors.
Golf shirts, gun belts and SPF 50.
On the menu:
You'll want to serve all the culinary delights Florida is known for: oranges and key lime pie. Beverages: our own concoction called the BP Gulf - mix one teaspoon of cooking oil with one part water, one part orange juice and one part Gatorade. Yep, it's hard to swallow.
On the hi-fi:
Floridays by Jimmy Buffett, Mainline Florida by Eric Clapton, Hot, Hot, Hot by Buster Poindexter, Gator Country by Molly Hatchet, In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins, Smuggler's Blues by Glenn Frey, and anything by Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine.
Florida does one thing better than any other state: It makes life accessible via golf cart. People who have never set foot on a golf course have their own golf carts, and so should you. Why not purchase a couple E-Z-Go ramblers to shuttle guests back and forth from their cars to the front door? It is the epitome of L-A-Z-Y.