'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Book Undermining

new-jersey-2011-.jpgPreviously: Bratshley has no prospects. Teresa, Melissa, and Kathy perhaps have too many.

The Manzo boys and their cousin drive to Caroline's parents' former house, where Caroline's brother Chris has set up a product development company that he has invited the fellows to join. Christopher admits it's kind of hard to take seriously the place where he opened Christmas presents during his childhood. As such, when Albie calls the first meeting to order, Chris suggests they write a book about toilets, and I quote, "because, when you're on vacation, you don't just **** anywhere." Albie's response: "Hear me out here. I don't think a **** book is ultimately the direction we want to go in." Ha! He adds that Chris wants to build a business for his children (his real children, not that ungrateful hussy Bratshley) to take over one day. Albie promises not to let him down with defecation didacticism. Chris's next idea: Breathalyzer for mobile phones. Albie snarks, "Ashley should have that on her Twitter account."

That night, Kathy, Rich, and the kids get ready for a surprise party for Rich. One that Rich already knows about, mind you. Joseph says he's going to wear his white vest, and Rich teases that it'll be like what Mr. Rogers used to wear. "In Beirut it was called Mr. Alalalalalu's Neighborhood," he jokes. He explains that he was born and raised in Beirut until he was eight years old. When his family moved to America, he didn't know the language, so he used jokes as a way into the new culture. Then he adds, "And if I make my wife life, and everybody else in the world gets insulted by my jokes, **** 'em." Now that's the can-do spirit!

Rich asks how Kathy's get-together for the ladies was, specifically how was Teresa. Kathy cautiously says Teresa was okay, then mentions the strangely coincidental announcement that Teresa and Joe are opening up a restaurant, too. Rich laughs, "I can't believe Juicy Joe still has it in him." Kathy interviews that she's happy for Teresa's success. She says diplomatically, "There are a million stars in the sky, and they all shine just as bright. One doesn't take away from the other." Then rolls the bejesus out of her eyes. Awesome. Kathy tells Rich that Teresa and Juicy won't be at his party that night, and he thanks her for the birthday gift. Double awesome.

Meanwhile, Melissa and Joe are driving to the party bantering back and forth with their typical smear of sexual innuendo. Melissa mentions the girls' night and says she had fun with Jacqueline and Caroline. That is, until Teresa arrived, and things got catty. She's still sore that Teresa isn't pumped about her singing career. Joe says Teresa's inability to accept others' success has always been her biggest character flaw.