'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Oh BLK Water, Keep on Rollin'

new-jersey-2011-.jpgPreviously on Masterpiece Classics presents The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Albie's poor, excessively attractive girlfriend Lindsey was introduced to the Manzo women, and Caroline hated her on principle. Melissa and Gia both prepared for appearances at something called Beatstock, while Joe and Teresa quit therapy because they felt like they could successfully mend their relationship by the strength of their wits alone. That they couldn't complete a Highlights puzzle by the strength of their wits alone did not seem to be a concern. And, finally, everyone still hates Teresa. It's the motif of the season, really.

We enter at Fred Astaire dance studio, where Melissa and her backup dancers rehearse for her Beatstock appearance under the tutelage of famed choreographer Cris Judd. This is Melissa's second performance ever, and is in a much bigger venue than the stupid BLK Water launch last season. She's hoping that it can propel her to the next level. Judging by the look on Cris's face, that seems highly unlikely. Meanwhile, at Pearl Studios, Gia rehearses with a gang of dancers for HER Beatstock appearance. I still don't know what Gia's appearance is all about, and why Gia seems so much younger than everyone else in her group, and why everyone else has to wear a purple t-shirt and she doesn't. The leader of the class tells Teresa that Gia must have gotten "it" from somewhere, and when Teresa asks Gia where she got it, she says, "My aunt." Oooh, BURN. Teresa makes her correct that statement, in a pretty good-natured way. Meanwhile, Melissa shows some actual self-awareness as she tells us that she may not be the best singer ever, but it takes some courage to put yourself out there in front of people. We really are in the age when the bold but talentless prevail.

Meanwhile, remember how Kathy wants to start a catering business or something? Well, she's planning to have a cookie tasting in an ice cream shop in her old neighborhood. Rich is concerned about whether Kathy is going to make any money on this venture. I mean, I guess if she has something to sell she might. Kathy tells us that this ice cream shop is where Rosie had her first job, so the owner was Rosie's first boss. She's hoping that getting back to the old homestead of Paterson will give her some inspiration. She'll need that inspiration, as Rich won't stop riding her business jock and she needs him to back the **** off. Rich and Kathy greet Sal Sigona, the owner of Gelotti Ice Cream. Kathy opens her sample box, and Rich busts right in to ask if Sal's ever thought of having a line of sweet treats in the shop. Kathy puts him in his place a little bit, and Rich asks for a tampon since his balls have been cut off. If he's trying to stop the bleeding of a testicle-ectomy with a tampon, he has even worse business sense than we suspected. Sal likes Kathy's sweets, and is receptive to the idea of her having a table in his shop for tastings. Rich tells us that he does want this to be Kathy's baby, but does not want her to go forth with a Joe Giudice business plan. She just never should have taken him along.

With that, it's time to check in and see how things are going with BLK Water. If there's anything more boring than following the interfamilial drama of the Gorgas, it's following the business ventures of anyone on this show. Sigh. Chris Manzo tells us that they're talking BLK Water to the Fancy Food Show in DC. It's a big show for them, and while their booth won't be one of the biggest there, he thinks it will be one of the busiest. If they really want to up their game, they should have an Albie Manzo kissing booth on the premises. Caroline and Albert are impressed by the mock-up booth that Chris and the boys have put together, though Albie says it pales in comparison to things he's seen, such as a cave made of cheese. OMG. If I lived there, I would sleep on a bed of crackers and have the most convenient midnight snack of all time. It turns out that Caroline and Albert are also going to the Fancy Food Show, because Albert will be premiering the new Brownstone Sauce. "Brownstone Sauce" sounds disgusting, right? It turns out that Albert's booth is VERY modest, like, a table with some sauce on it. And they want Caroline's photo on the jar! Albert says this is because Caroline reads as "old mom." She LOVES that description. Albie doubts whether his cranky, menopausal mom is going to sell any sauce at all. Hot flash sauce, maybe? Tastes like hormones!