'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Quit Yer Beachin'!

new-jersey-2011-.jpgPreviously: Teresa and her brother have been so horrible they made little Gia write a tearful song. As we speak, Melissa is currently using her at-home studio to turn this cry for help into a peppy dance number.

Gorga mansion. Melissa and Joe are getting ready for the group's trip to Punta Cana. Melissa hopes everyone can get along. Since the three couples used to go to the Dominican Republic together, she thinks it might remind them of the good old days and help them mend their relationships. As they pack, Melissa brings out a flesh-colored bathing suit with fringe at the bust. Antonia's immediate response says it all: "Oh my god, what is that?!" Out of the mouths of babes... Joe grabs a pair of bikini bottoms (which appear to have chain mail on them?) and sniffs them. Gross.

Over at the Giudice home, Teresa is also packing. She interviews, "We all know who's gonna look the best -- moi!" She reflects back on Gia's heartbreaking song. She says she'd never want her daughters to fight the way she's been fighting with Joe, so she's trying to set a good example by going on vacation with the Gorgas and Wakiles. She asks Juicy if he's going to be fine with Joe and Rich on the vacation. He gives a crabby "Who cares?"

Meanwhile, Lauren joins Caroline as she packs. Lauren runs down a million-item list of things she's bringing to the DR, and Caroline warns her not to go in the ocean with jewelry on because sharks like shiny things. Lauren snarks, "Well then Teresa and Melissa are ****ed."

At the Laurita house, Jacqueline is packing a Snooki-style cut-out one-piece, though she admits she has no intention of wearing it. She just wants to show it to the girls. Is that a thing? Do people really waste packing space on things they never intend to wear? Jacqueline justifies her decision saying that she doesn't want to wear a bikini next to Teresa and Melissa. Jacqueline tells the babysitter that Bratshley will be home during the trip, which Caroline explains is because Bratz was too lazy to get her passport photo. Wow. That's an impressive commitment to worthlessness.