'The Vampire Diaries,' 'American Horror Story: Coven,' 'Archer' and more of the best lines on TV this week

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Now that most shows have returned from their midseason breaks, the drama, wit and hilarity were in high amounts this week on our favorite TV series. From "The Vampire Diaries" to "American Horror Story: Coven" to "Archer," it was a good week for TV dialogue. Check out some of Zap2it's favorite quotes below:

"The Vampire Diaries"

"How am I the only person on the planet not having scandalous sex?" -- Caroline

Minutes later: "Hello, Caroline." -- Klaus arrives and they have scandalous sex in the woods

"American Horror Story: Coven"

"He's a psycho mass murderer." -- Madison

"Is there anyone here of whom that cannot be said?" -- Myrtle 

"Archer"

"Potato, po-treason, whatever. But we've been up against terrorists, assassins, the KGB, the IRA, remember? North Korea, cyborgs ... um, help me out." -- Archer

"Um, space pirates?" -- Lana

"Oh my god, I forgot about the space pirates!" -- Archer

"Duck Dynasty"

"You don't like the 'Golden Girls,' I don't like you." -- Jep

"Psych"

"The moon is black and Jesus is black and Grimace is black, end of story." -- Gus

"Ravenswood"

"Keeping track of the lambs. ... It's certainly not random. Promises were made, debts are owed. ... I'm the deal-maker, not the murderer. ... There is a debt on the books and I always collect." -- Rev. Abandon

"The Following"

"Heather, honey, you can't just lay there." -- Luke to the girl he just murdered

"Pretty Little Liars"

"Put some pants on, we need to talk about Radley." -- Mr. Hastings

"Parks and Recreation"

"Tom put all my records into this rectangle. The songs just play one after the other! This is an excellent rectangle!" -- Ron talking about an iPod

"Blacklist"

"I don't have any secrets. Except one thing -- I may have watched the last 'Real Housewives' in my hotel room without you." -- Tom

"I know. It showed up on our Netflix queue." -- Lizzie

"Downton Abbey"

"Do you ever wonder why people dislike you so much? It's because you are sly and oily and smug, and I'm really pleased I got the chance to tell you before I go." -- Edna

"Well, if we're playing the truth game, then you're a manipulative little witch and if your schemes have come to nothing, I'm delighted." -- Thomas

"Community"

"Why don't they call it 'Planet Trek?' You never go to a star, not one time." -- Troy to Levar Burton

"The Essentials"

"It's hard to pontificate about a movie that is perfect. I haven't been the same since I saw this movie." -- Drew Barrymore talking about "Jaws"

Photo/Video credit: The CW