'The X Factor' recap: Astro -- Not!

x-factor-premiere-fox.jpgWe go straight into the title sequence tonight, and then the voice-over guy tells the auditorium, "Please welcome the final ten!" Hey, what have you done with Steve, voice-over guy? The final ten performers (actually thirteen if you count Lakoda Rayne as four) sing "We Will Rock You," and this time when LeRoy misses his cue you can't actually hear him sing, so I guess this must really be live. It ends up being kind of a showcase for Astro and Chris Rene, who as rappers get to perform more lines than anyone else. Oh, here's Steve, coming out in a shiny black suit to tell us all how awesome they were and belatedly welcome us to the show and go on and on about next week's "Pepsi Choice Performance" before once again displaying his math aptitude by saying eight acts will be back next week and one will go home tonight. Out of ten. Oh, and Rihanna's here to perform tonight too. That'll be nice, to have a guest performer people have heard of. Steve turns to the already fully-staffed judges' table for Simon's opinion of last night's show, and Simon now thinks it was terrific, especially Josh and Astro.

That serves as the ideal segue into the recap of last night's show, with a few backstage comments we didn't get to hear last night, because it's hard to fit them into a live show and also because they're mostly boring. Except for Josh's mom desperately hugging Nicole, probably because Josh is just over it. Also, Paula staunchly defends Lakoda Rayne's performance, using the uplifting phrase "no disaster." Steve puts Paula on the spot with her one remaining act, and Paula pretends to be confident. Then Steve drops some cold, cold **** on everyone: "The first results are coming right now." Whoa, way to bring the room down.

Steve takes his sweet time telling us that once again the names are in no particular order. The first name Steve announces is LeRoy Bell. After another long pause, Steve names Lakoda Rayne, which shows us how confident Paula wasn't by how she excitedly rushes up onstage to hug them all. I don't think even she's more surprised than I am, though. Steve says those two acts are safe, and then runs down all the rest of the remaining eight, one of whom is going home tonight. Drew looks positively disgusted by this whole scene, which I find amusing for some reason as we go to ads.