'True Blood': Who's Tara trying to kill?
Tara takes a bullet for Sookie ( Anna Paquin), and Sookie rewards her with everlasting life. So why aren't the two besties toasting each other over glasses of Tru Blood and beer at Merlotte's? Turns out, Tara isn't grateful to Sook, Lafayette ( Nelsan Ellis) or her reluctant maker, Pam ( Kristin Bauer van Straten), for her new lease on life.
Instead, after stopping herself from attacking a stranded driver, Tara seeks solace with Sam ( Sam Trammell), gets drunk on Tru Blood and then hides out in Sam's walk-in freezer. She doesn't stay cold for long -- girl is hot to die. If an overdose of pills didn't do the job when she was alive, it sure isn't going to work now that she's undead.
So Tara tries the next best (or absolutely worst) thing: suicide by tanning bed. Can Pam save her before she burns to a true death? Tara's playing the victim again, but -- after blubbering her way through four seasons -- if she does pull through, we're hoping that will change. After all, tears of blood must be a makeup artist's worst nightmare.
While Tara tries to meet her (human) maker, we flashback a century ago when Pam, a brothel madam, begs boyfriend Eric ( Alexander Skarsgard) to turn her. Coincidentally, he only agreed because Pam slit her own wrists. Unlike Tara, she had a choice in the matter -- as does new grandpa Eric today, when he agrees to release Pam from their bond. Meanwhile, Terry's (Todd Lowe) bonding with his war buddy Patrick ( Scott Foley). We suspect the only thing that can come of that is more PTSD nightmares.
To those who hate Bill and Eric being held captive by Roman ( Christopher Meloni) and the Chancellors, we counter: How hot are their prison jumpsuits? Bonus: Tina Majorino playing a grown-up version of tech geek Mac in "Veronica Mars," this time installing instant-execution devices to ensure the prisoners' good behavior.
While the boys are away, there's a new troublemaker in Bon Temps: Jason Stackhouse's ( Ryan Kwanten) former teacher, who we learn once seduced her student. After they hook up again, Jason finally realizes their liaison marked the beginning of his lifetime of sex without intimacy. So when Jessica ( Deborah Ann Woll) -- frisky after a mysterious encounter with a fragrant fella (who smells like "cotton candy, fresh-baked bread and sex") -- tries to seduce him, he protests that what he really needs now is a friend...which a suddenly sympathetic Jess is happy to be. Aw.
Jason's former friend, Hoyt, ( Jim Parrack) has found a peculiar way to move on from his and Jessica's betrayal: eyeliner! Fangtasia has a new customer, and he's made up like a Goth. Even money on whether he looks better than Sheriff Andy in the buff (and on Facebook).
So Tara tried to kill only one person: herself. Could Bon Temps perpetual chin-quivering victim's latest suicide attempt be successful? If so, would you miss her?
"There's an app for that," Majorino's techie explaining how Eric and Bill's trigger devices work: "Click and splat." She adds: "You guys are too cute to be goo."
Sookie to Sam after he involuntarily reveals Tara's in the walk-in: "Can I give you a hug without you thinking about my boobs?" Sam: "Probably not."
Salome to Bill clarifying the details of her historically bad rep: "The human Bible is little better than 'Us Weekly.'"