'True Tori' episode 2: Dean McDermott admits suicidal thoughts, returns home
During the session Dean admits that the day he had his breakdown at Dr. Wexler's office after the cheating scandal broke that while they were waiting for the EMTs to arrive, he actually considered kicking out a cracked window in the office and diving out of it to his death.
"The days leading up to my breakdown, I wanted to disappear. ... I just thought, 'This is it. You can't get out of this. Tori deserves me to die,'" says Dean. Production had to stop at that point because now the therapist and production knows about his suicidal thoughts. Dean had to be independently evaluated in order to see if he was stable enough to continue with the documentary process.
It upsets Tori because she never meant for him to have to talk about his suicidal thoughts on camera and she doesn't want to make anything worse for him, but Dean says this is part of the process and part of letting people know that they shouldn't commit suicide and should instead seek help.
"My life means a lot to me right now, where it didn't for so many years," says Dean. "My life means something because I'm getting the help I need and I'm surrounded by love and support. For the longest time I didn't deserve it and now I'm just getting a little glimmer that I do deserve it and that's what's gonna keep me alive. I'm trying to beat that into my head, that on some level I do deserve it -- I don't deserve to die, I deserve to live."
"It's where I was, I'm being honest," he tells Tori privately. "That's the whole reason I agreed to do this [show]. I want to let people know that if they're feeling like this, they don't have to do it. You don't have to take your life."
After an evaluation determines Dean is stable enough to continue production, he actually returns home to Tori's house. The kids are ecstatic to see him and he's home in time for Liam's 7th birthday party.
Tori admits that she's scared about having him come home, but that if she's serious about wanting to make their marriage work, this is the first step.
However, they aren't sharing a bed yet and the previews for next week show that now that Dean is in a better mental state, it's time to start working on their marriage and the fact that he cheated on her.