Watch Simon Van Campen -- the other 'Real Housewife of New York' -- perform 'I Am Real' (And, yes, it's really bad)
And yes, he is real. And for real. But we are really humiliated for him. And for his two sons (the pompously-monikered Johan and Francois), who will likely join the Merchant Marine or a gang at the first opportunity to distance themselves from dad, his blue pleather pants and his off-key pitiful bid to draw attention to himself.
Don't get us wrong -- we have a soft spot for Van Campen. As "RHONY" denizens go, he's relatively harmless. He's just -- like the rest of them -- trying to grab his 15 minutes while he can.
Anyway, watch Van Campen -- who we thought was sufficiently pitiful -- further solidify his status as a sad reality TV footnote: