We'd Like to See...People Eaten by Dinosaurs
Today's cuppa: Yorkshire Gold tea (which is getting a bit spicey from being stored next to the chai spice black tea in the Hershey Carrousel tin)
In a little while, I'm heading off to the wilds of a TV-show location somewhere in the Valley (not sure if it's the San Fernando or the San Gabriel Valley, I only know for sure it's not the Conejo Valley. For all I know, it could be another Valley altogether. Gotta work on the whole Valley thing) to watch bikers, or more precisely, actors dressed like bikers.
More on that later (and there may be more pictures).
In the meantime, here's this week's edition of my dead-tree column We'd Like to See -- and now my friends and co-workers will know why I emailed them and asked whom they'd like to see eaten by a dinosaur.
Without further ado:
Dinosaurs -- they're hot, they're sexy, they're extinct!
On Tuesday, July 29, History Channel premieres a 10-episode series called "Jurassic Fight Club," which depicts dinosaurs engaged in epic battles across the prehistoric landscape.
Episode titles include "Cannibal Dinosaur," "T-Rex Hunter," "Gang Killers" and "Armored Predators."
A meteor may have ended the dinosaur age on Earth, but on television, in movies and in merchandising of every kind, they still rule.
In fact, almost any TV moment could be made better by the unexpected arrival of a dinosaur.
"Mad Men": Don Draper is on the verge of landing the biggest account of his career, one that could put his name on the door of Sterling Cooper and change the history of advertising forever. He downs his fifth cup of coffee, chases it with a scotch, snubs out his 10th cigarette of the day and just as the idea is formulating in his mind, a T-Rex crashes through his office wall...and it eats him.
"SportsCenter": Linda Cohn and Stuart Scott are on the set of the ESPN highlight show one day, discussing steroid use in sports and incidences of violence attributed to so-called "'roid rage," when a stegosaurus crashes through the side wall and nearly tramples both of them. Scott then tries to explain to viewers what just happened, but his usual facility with language utterly fails him. Then a brontosaurus crashes through another wall and finishes the job.
"Dog Whisperer": Cesar Millan is called on a particularly difficult case, a Rottweiler/pit bull/Doberman mix that is terrorizing a suburban family of four. Using his technique of balancing exercise, discipline and affection, Millan is quickly able to turn the dog into a happy ball of fluff. He has more trouble with the family's other pet, a velociraptor that they keep in the garage. Armed with his 35-cent leash, he opens the door...and it eats him.
"Ax Men": A new logging season has begun in northwest Oregon, and the intrepid "ax men" are back on the mountain in the quest for "green gold" (Aren't logs more brown than green? Just askin'). One crew is just about to pull its last log up the hill when an allosaurus suddenly appears out of the forest and eats the yoader. It starts to go after the loggers, but they scatter into the trees, proving that sometimes small and maneuverable beats big and toothy.
"The Closer": Called to a crime scene in downtown Los Angeles, LAPD Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson spies a fleeing witness and gives chase down a back alley. She makes a wrong turn and finds herself lost in a maze of warehouses. Suddenly a predatory deinonychus appears. Thinking fast, Brenda tosses a Hostess cupcake at the dinosaur...and it eats it. The two then discover they're kindred sweets-loving spirits.