'WWE RAW' Dec. 2: CM Punk sings, John Cena and Randy Orton sign contracts

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Previously on: It was announced that John Cena and Randy Orton would battle at "TLC" to determine the Undisputed WWE Champion, which has happened before and will surely happen again. Plus Daniel Bryan was kidnapped by the Wyatt Family, CM Punk was attacked by The Shield and WWE Hall of Famer Mick Foley sold T-shirts.

Big news: CM Punk opens the show to spin conspiracy theories about why The Shield mowed him down last week. He says it's Triple H gunning for him due to his mocking him non-stop. Seems like the most logical answer. Stephanie McMahon is out to say she and the company respect Punk and have passed his complaints onto Kane, because that's who handles the business end of WWE these days. The qualifications that got him the job aren't clear, but chances are burying The Undertaker alive years ago plays a role.

While Stephanie says Punk is to be respected, Kane books him in a 3-on-1 match against The Shield at "TLC." Later in the night, backstage, CM Punk pretends he's happy about the match and even sings "I'm Feel Pretty," because he's a "West Side Story" fan. Truthfully, he knows he's not going to walk out of "TLC" victorious, but the real question is how many members of The Shield can he take down with him?

As for Daniel Bryan, he was magically unkidnapped when he appeared for a match with Wyatt Family member Erick Rowan. Bray Wyatt is trying to give him the hard sell on joining the Wyatt Family. His beard would it right in, so maybe he should consider it. He was also put in his own 3-on-1 match at "TLC," against the Wyatts.

The "main event" of the show was the John Cena and Randy Orton contract signing. WWE's letting their fans make big decisions backfired when they let the viewers decide what the winner of the double-title match will be called. Behold, the Unified Champion. Sounds pretty generic.

The contract signing went along as they usually do. The two guys gave each other angry stares and signed their contracts, before getting the chance to speak. Orton's normal spiel of "I'm better than anyone ever, bigger than WWE ever was," didn't create much of a dent, but Cena's words echoed what many have thought about Randy for years, and they're something he needs to get past. "You are the most gifted WWE superstar ever. You make every single thing in this ring look easy," Cena said. "But with that, you got cocky. You got a bad attitude to boot and then you got lazy."

It's time for Orton to actually step up and be the talent his character thinks he is.

Naturally, the contract signing ended in a fight, with Cena attacking Orton with tables, ladders and chairs. So if that's why you were going to order "TLC," you just saved 50 bucks.

Odds and ends:
  • Wade Barrett is now "Bad News" Barrett, because why not? It seems his new character just makes fun of whatever city he's in.
  • Team Hell No reunited backstage, sort of.
  • The Miz is teaming with Kofi Kingston 2 weeks after turning heel on him. Logic!
  • Los Matadores and El Torito are the WWE Shop pitch men.
  • Mark Henry twerked. Go ahead and try to forget that
  • A lot of time during the Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans match was spent talking about vomit.

Matches:
  • Damien Sandow beat Dolph Ziggler
  • The Bella Twins and Natalya beat A. J. Lee, Tamina and Summer Rae
  • Daniel Bryan beat Erick Rowan
  • R-Truth and Xavier Woods beat Tons of Funk
  • Sin Cara beat Alberto Del Rio
  • The Shield beat Cody Rhodes, Goldust and Big Show
  • Curtis Axel and Ryback beat The Miz and Kofi Kingston
  • Mark Henry beat Fandango
  • The Real Americans beat the Prime Time Players
Photo/Video credit: WWE