79th Annual Academy Awards: Minute by Minute
No, not E! red-carpet host
It's Ocsar night, which means three-plus hours of showbiz people thanking their agents, publicists, families, co-stars and occasionally their families. And we're here to chronicle every little, excruciating detail. So let's get to it:
5:34 p.m. Pacific time: I wonder if the little opening montage of the nominees is done to give time to let everyone get to their seats. Still,
5:37 p.m. Host
5:40 p.m. "It's not that we don't have time for long speeches, it's that we don't have time for boring speeches." Ellen's advice: Tell them you're just a homeless, illiterate kid from the Bronx -- even if you're not -- and you'll be fine.
5:43 p.m. Cue the choir! "Celebrating the nominees" appears to be another of the night's themes. We're more inclined to think her earlier assertion that tonight will be mostly about the winners is more accurate.
5:47 p.m. The night's first award, for art direction, goes to ... "Pan's Labyrinth." Shoulda been a best picture nominee, but the movie looked gorgeous on screen. Well deserved.
5:49 p.m. Ever notice how they always have a pretty young actress present the technical awards? Just saying.
5:57 p.m. Not sure what the point of the
6 p.m. Two in a row for "Pan's Labyrinth." Yeah -- in your face, "Click"!
6:01 p.m. First speech cut-off of the night, for "Pan's" makeup artist David Marti. And it was like 30 seconds in -- what gives, Oscar conductor man?
6:03 p.m. So,
6:05 p.m. Your best live-action short winner? "West Bank Story." As its director describes it, it's a "
6:12 p.m. The idea of a "sound effects choir" toiling away on a soundstage somewhere at every studio is kind of cool. But they could have hired Michael Winslow and he'd have done this alone and saved everybody money.
6:17 p.m. "Letters from Iwo Jima" wins for best sound editing.
6:19 p.m. "Dreamgirls" picks up its first award of the night, for sound mixing. But that also means that "Apocalypto" sound mixer Kevin O'Connell is 0-for-19 at the Oscars. You gotta feel kinda bad for the guy.
6:23 p.m. Nearly an hour in, we get to the first acting award of the night --
6:25 p.m. Marty Scorsese, he's a good sport. Just for doing the here's-my-script bit with Ellen, he should get a couple extra best director points.
6:26 p.m. Gaaaa! Interpretive dance returns to the Oscars! OK, the way people turned themselves into penguins was kind of neat, but still, I thought we were rid of this forever following
6:36 p.m. Hee hee -- the orchestra plays off
6:42 p.m. Anyone know why
6:44 p.m. George Miller wrote and directed "Babe" and "Mad Max." He wins an Oscar for "Happy Feet," which is cute and everything, but still. And it subverts the usually good-as-gold Oscar rule of not betting against the
6:53 p.m. William Monahan picks up "The Departed's" first Oscar, for best adapted screenplay. It was a great, profane, incredibly sharp script, and you gotta love a guy who starts his acceptance speech with "Valium does work." One note, though, Oscar announcer lady: The movie it's based on, "Infernal Affairs," came from Hong Kong, not Japan.
6:54 p.m. Chris Connelly, do you really think most of the people watching would know that the award for best animated short was a "surprise"?
7 p.m. Well, sure, the two actresses from "The Devil Wears Prada" will present the costume award. I was about to write off
7:09 p.m. It's hard to be snarky about the Humanitarian Award. So: Well done,
7:11 p.m. Also a good sport:
7:15 p.m. Pretty big surprise for the cinematography award, where "Children of Men" was the heavy favorite. Instead, it's win No. 3 tonight for "Pan's Labyrinth," courtesy cinematographer Guillermo Navarro.
7:17 p.m. The interpretive dancers use props for their "Little Miss Sunshine" bit. That's cheating, isn't it?
7:20 p.m. "Visual effects -- they enable us to see aliens, experience other universes, move in slow motion or watch spiders climb high above the city landscape. For me, just a typical night in the mid-'90s." Ah,
7:21 p.m. So Jack Nicholson plays a cancer patient in his next movie; hence the clean pate.
7:23 p.m. The visual-effects guys from "Pirates of the Caribbean" try out Ellen's advice and talk about how they're just "four blind kids from the Bronx." The ceremony does not stop for a tearful standing ovation, although there is some polite laughter.
7:24 p.m. Hey, there's Borat! Why cut to him in the foreign-language film segment? They know he's not really a Kazakh, right?
7:31 p.m. Another surprise here, especially given the fact that "Pan's Labyrinth" has already won three awards tonight. But kudos to "The Lives of Others" and its stupendously named director, Florian Henckel von Dommersmarck.
7:33 p.m. Frankly, I'm surprised it took this long for DeGeneres to make a "Snakes on a Plane" joke.
7:39 p.m. In other news, "American Idol" Season Three runner-up Diana DeGarmo may not have an Oscar, but she did just save a bundle on her car insurance.
7:41 p.m. Eva Green is pretty.
7:48 p.m. The director of "Gossip" (Davis Guggenheim) insists that Al Gore join him on stage. Guggenheim, formerly known as
7:51 p.m. Clint Eastwood kicks off the well-deserved lifetime achievement award tribute to Ennio Morricone. Eastwood, so good working off-the-cuff with Ellen earlier, struggles with his scripted bit. "I should have worn my glasses," he says.
7:56 p.m. After a montage shows the beauty and diversity of Morricone's scores,
8:07 p.m. "The Oscar nominated star of 'Volver' and the Volverine himself..." The writer of that intro for
8:11 p.m. Academy President Sid Ganis is challenged to celebrate the achievements of the Academy in only 60 seconds. He does an entertaining job, but that sound you heard was a billion people worldwide standing up and using the toilet.
8:13 p.m. Noted screenwriters
8:17 p.m. But "Pan's Labyrinth" always has three awards, Chris, not two. Surely that should be easy to keep track of.
8:23 p.m. Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson (Yup, that still sounds funny),
8:28 p.m. For all of those "Dreamgirls" songs,
8:30 p.m. My DVR cuts out, convinced that the Oscar show was supposed to be over by now. Actually, we still have five categories to go, 210 minutes into the show. Impressive.
8:40 p.m. In this decidedly international year at the Oscars,
8:57 p.m. As we near the four-hour mark, Ellen makes her first joke about ending the show on-time.
9:11 p.m. "The original Three Amigos"
9:15 p.m. Jack Nicholson and