This Mother's Day, tell your mom you love her. Buy her flowers. Send her a card. Take her out for a nice dinner. Present her with a framed picture of the family. But for the love of all things maternal, don't give your mom a copy of "Because I Said So."

Actually, I take that back. If you want to let your mother know that she's a dinosaur in the modern world, a meddling busybody who confuses smothering with love and that the idea of her having sex at her age freaks you out, then by all means, go grab a copy of "Because I Said So," which hits stores on Tuesday (May 8).

Directed by Michael Lehmann, who has long since exhausted whatever good faith he earned for directing "Heathers," "Because I Said So" stars Diane Keaton as Daphne, the shrill harpy of a mother to three beautiful daughters (Mandy Moore, Lauren Graham and Piper Perabo). Two of the daughters have husbands (who were almost completely edited out of the movie), so Daphne decides to go online in a quest to pimp out her youngest, who you know is unlucky in love because she lives alone with her fish and her unblinking answering machine. Thanks to her mother's manipulations (it turns out that she just needs to get laid herself), the daughter faces that eternal cinematic dilemma because the nice, artistic man (Gabriel Macht) that she's perfect with and the successful, richer man (Tom Everett Scott) that her mom prefers. Who will she possibly choose?!?

The script by Jessie Nelson and Karen Leigh Hopkins misses very few cliches (Do the women all sing together? Twice!), but fails to make its main characters at all distinctive, which forces Keaton to over-act wildly. The only one of these women who isn't insufferable is Lauren Graham, which has absolutely nothing to do with how the character is written and absolutely everything to do with the fact that she's played by Lauren Graham. All four leads are routinely upstaged by elaborately decorated wedding cakes and only Lehmann knows how he was able to make a scene featuring Moore, Graham and Perabo in underwear so very, very unsexy.

Lehmann also has coached Macht and Scott to the blandest performances of their careers and since this is Gabriel Macht and Tom Everett Scott we're talking about, that's saying a lot.

Not-so-surprisingly, the extra features on the "Because I Said So" DVD fail to elevate the package. How scarce are actual features? Well, a one-minute commercial for iVillage is categorized as a "bonus," as is an excruciating video for "World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies, which consists mostly of shots from the movie playing out in slo-mo.

Because the iVillage commercial wasn't enough cross-promotion, the behind-the-scenes making-of featurette is prominently sponsored by VW. In a brisk seven minutes, the featurette covers the usual ground -- everybody's adoration of Keaton, hiring a male director to capture this all-female world and the ways in which the cast bonded (eBay). Although it's only six minutes, the "Designing a 'Wilder' World" featurette goes into more depth, touching on the movie's costumes, its use of Los Angeles and those cakes, which were designed the Cake Divas, who are more deserving of credit than anybody else involved with the movie.