'The Hottie & the Nottie'

Forget hot. Even original bonus features can't make this DVD lukewarm.

Hanh Nguyen
Zap2It.com

May 6 2008

The only reprieve from the pain in "The Hottie & the Nottie" is when the film is being blandly unremarkable. Curiosity and boredom will lead to rentals, but even the lackluster special features don't make this film worth the alternatingly excruciating and mind-numbing time spent watching it. This might be a good substitute for self-flagellation.

Paris Hilton has appeared in various supporting movie roles in the past, but steps into the titular lead with this raunchy semi-romantic comedy. Very briefly put, her performance is squinty and affected at best, but not necessarily jarring in any way. Everyman shlub Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore) wants to make good on his lifelong crush on hottie Christabelle Abbott (Hilton), who has vowed not to date until her BFF, nottie June Phigg (Christine Lakin), finds a man. Unfortunately, she's all kinds of messed up -- from the top of her thinning hair to her problem skin, busted grill and mole-y chin, to the tips of her nasty, crusty toes -- and Nate is faced with the dual task of making her over and finding a guy who can tolerate her.

DVD Bonus Features:

The Good: In this case, "good" shouldn't be taken literally, but I give miniscule points for the DVD production team that tried to create original content that doesn't necessarily enhance the wretched viewing experience, but is at least marginally better. The first is the "Video Dating Footage," which is supposedly recovered (stolen) footage of June, Christabelle and Johann (Johann Urb) awkwardly creating their relative online dating videos. Lower in production value but arguably more interesting in a train wreck-way is Hilton giving Moore a feminine makeover complete with false eyelashes, foundation and tinted lip gloss, making him look eerily like Liza Minelli. The most interesting thing about this is that Hilton actually seems competent about explaining each step of the process and talks about her "clients." Who knew?

The Bad: Why, oh why would anyone want insight into the film's production? Haven't we suffered enough? But hey, if you want to hear the very affable Moore and sexy-voiced Lakin chat with producer Hadeel Reda about the merits of the film and how Lakin was treated while in makeup, check out the actors' commentary. The production commentary has two people speaking, but only screenwriter Heidi Ferrer is introduced. Baffling. It's kind of depressing hearing about all her inspirations for different scenes and details -- such as Hilton's line, "I think that a life without orgasms is like a world without flowers" -- when the final product is just so unrewarding. Nottie, for sure.