Uwe Boll Apparently Challenges Critics to a Brawl
Critics can beat up Boll and also appear in his new movie. Bonus!
One such example came last year with reports that eccentric actor Vincent Gallo was selling his sperm on the Internet. The latest is the report that much maligned schlockmeister Dr. Uwe Boll (the doctorate is in literature, according to his bio) has publically offered his biggest critics -- including directors Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avary -- the chance to be in his next movie and also to fight him in a 10-round boxing match.
Circulating the Internet is a press release allegedly put out by the "House of the Dead," "Alone in the Dark" and "BloodRayne" auteur. The release ends with the line, "If critics want to bring Uwe Boll down, here is their chance to physically bring him down and have the entire world watch them do it."
The release, already posted on many of the sites that have most enjoyed insulting Boll and his cinematic output, declares, "Dr. Uwe Boll has had enough! Uwe Boll's position is 'I am fed up. I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without see them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films. I have been told that 'BloodRayne' has a very bad IMDb rating, but how many of those votes of zero were made before the movie appeared in theatres.' The criticism goes on and on."
Boll's solution: A battle royale on the set of his upcoming film "Postal," another video game adaptation.
"Towards the end of the filming of the 'Postal' the 5 most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms," the statement reads. "As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/ stand-in in 'Postal' and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10 bout match. There will be 5 matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the 'Postal' movie. All 5 fights will be televised on the internet and will be covered by international press."
Don't expect extra compensation for actually appearing in the movie. The opportunity to punch Dr. Boll is reward enough.
We don't want to suggest that this sounds fake, but there are several iffy factors, particularly Boll's desire to call out 15 different IMDB posters by their user name and the restriction that eligible critics must submit negative reviews posted only in 2005. Boll also apparently requests that his potential competition must weight between 140 and 190 pounds.
The most important question: While many a critic might want to beat up on Uwe Boll, how many critics would also be willing to face the humiliation of appearing in a movie directed by Uwe Boll?
Those interested in participating are invited to send their two favorite anti-Boll reviews or articles to the e-mail address "firstname.lastname@example.org," which is, indeed, a viable contact address listed on the Boll-KG website, though no mention of the contest is mentioned anywhere on the site.
An e-mail sent to the provided address inquiring about the veracity of the contest was swiftly responded to with a reply reading only "the release is true."
So until Dr. Boll comes to his senses or until the real prankster comes forward, polish off your negative reviews and lace up your boxing gloves.