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'The Rough Patch'
"Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, you are now in possession of my porn. This can only mean two things: Either I'm dead, or I'm now in a committed relationship. If I'm dead, I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to the Hamptons and recreating 'Weekend at Bernie's' -- I wanna dance, I wanna have sex with a girl and I wanna go fishing. If, on the other hand, I'm in a committed relationship, then as your best friend, I have only one request -- please, for the love of God, GET ME OUT OF THIS!"