If we ran the Food Network: Kitchen rehab for battered celebs
Jesse James
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In a perfect world, Michelle Duggar would be the host of "Iron Chef America," and the secret ingredient would always be Tater Tots. But this is far from a perfect world, and The Chairman is not about to relinquish his seat anytime soon.
Our point -- and we do have one -- is that it's a tough time to be a celebrity. They're either being cheated on by their spouses, or they're cheating on their spouses, or they're bad dancers. (Yeah, we're looking at you, Gosselin.) Spike, Discovery, TLC, CBS and even the Golf Channel have all seen their stars take it on the chin recently. It seems as if the only network that's kept its nose clean is the Food Network. And so we propose that some of these stars head over there for some gourmet rehabilitation.
So without further ado, let's consider some potential new shows for our battered celebs. (Get it? "Battered.") "Cads of Cakes" features Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen as they use cake therapy to overcome their addictions. Sadly, the show falters after only four episodes when it becomes clear they only make cakes designed for women to pop out of.
"BFF for Din-Din-Din" stars Oprah's best friend, Gayle King, as she shows us how to create brilliant side dishes but fails to ever actually get to the main dish -- even though the entree would really like the mashed potatoes to have their time in the sun.
" Kate Just Ate" features mother of eight and woeful waltzer Kate Gosselin as she tackles an activity rarely seen on Food Network: the actual eating. Kate visits the sets of the shows of Rachael Ray and Bobby Flay and eats everything in sight. There's a potential co-hosting gig for Kirstie Alley.
"Jon and Glenn Break Bread" pits opposing palates against each other as Jon Stewart and Glenn Beck travel the world sampling global cuisine. Episode 1: Beck weeps openly as Stewart bites into a falafel.
You're welcome, Food Network programming director.
Our point -- and we do have one -- is that it's a tough time to be a celebrity. They're either being cheated on by their spouses, or they're cheating on their spouses, or they're bad dancers. (Yeah, we're looking at you, Gosselin.) Spike, Discovery, TLC, CBS and even the Golf Channel have all seen their stars take it on the chin recently. It seems as if the only network that's kept its nose clean is the Food Network. And so we propose that some of these stars head over there for some gourmet rehabilitation.
So without further ado, let's consider some potential new shows for our battered celebs. (Get it? "Battered.") "Cads of Cakes" features Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen as they use cake therapy to overcome their addictions. Sadly, the show falters after only four episodes when it becomes clear they only make cakes designed for women to pop out of.
"BFF for Din-Din-Din" stars Oprah's best friend, Gayle King, as she shows us how to create brilliant side dishes but fails to ever actually get to the main dish -- even though the entree would really like the mashed potatoes to have their time in the sun.
" Kate Just Ate" features mother of eight and woeful waltzer Kate Gosselin as she tackles an activity rarely seen on Food Network: the actual eating. Kate visits the sets of the shows of Rachael Ray and Bobby Flay and eats everything in sight. There's a potential co-hosting gig for Kirstie Alley.
"Jon and Glenn Break Bread" pits opposing palates against each other as Jon Stewart and Glenn Beck travel the world sampling global cuisine. Episode 1: Beck weeps openly as Stewart bites into a falafel.
You're welcome, Food Network programming director.
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