Playing with fire

We're knee-deep into summer, and if you aren't spending 40 percent of your free time behind a grill, you're a major disappointment to us, your family and the 300 cooks who have shows on Food Network. So, with a little inspiration from Bobby Flay of "Boy Meets Grill" let's see what it takes to look hot while holding barbecue tongs.

Flay himself is a fairly rare bird, as pasty redheads don't normally do well on television – Conan O'Brien and David Caruso notwithstanding. And yet, with "Boy Meets Grill," "FoodNation With Bobby Flay", "BBQ With Bobby Flay", "Iron Chef America" and "Throwdown With Bobby Flay", not to mention his marriage to the lovely Stephanie March of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," Flay seems to somehow have made everyone think he's appealing. The ironic thing is that from what we can tell, the boy doesn't seem to have any taste. Seriously, what is the deal with all the short-sleeved pea-green plaid button-downs?

Nevertheless, the few nice clothes the man does have should be protected. Barbecue aprons let the world know that you are so committed to the sport of grilling that you recognize the need to protect whatever you're wearing underneath – whether it be a Tommy Bahama floral print or a Hugo Boss Star-Crafted shirt. Remember, scalding splatter can leave marks, and you'll have no one to sue but yourself.

However, not all aprons are the same. There are bib styles, half cuts, flat halfs, narrow cuts, full cuts, gathered, half gathered, etc. – and that's just the pattern. Some feature deep pockets to hold your sauce (not a euphemism), while others come replete with the tools of the trade.

Other aprons feel the need to express the griller's motto in moderately clever linguistic subtleties, though, personally, we're not big on goofy sayings such as "Relish Today, Ketchup Tomorrow" or "BBQ Naked – Show Off Your Buns," but then again, there's a chance your food won't be doing the talking for you.

And while mittens can be stylish in the dead of winter, grilling mitts can be downright necessary when playing with fire. A standard mitt from Weber is classic in its minimalism, while a Mr. Bar-B-Q leather mitt shows a level of pretension someone like Flay can really sink his teeth into.

Mmm, do you smell that? It's fashion well done.