It was somewhere around the fourth song Adam Levine was singing at The CW's upfront/happy hour that the gin began to take hold, and I spoke the following words into my tape recorder:

"CariDee, Maroon 5, slutty milkmaids."

There was more to take away from the experience than that, I told myself, but those seemed to me to be the key elements. Even after the holographic Dawn Ostroffs started telling me about demographics and engagement and "OMG TV," the images proved difficult to shake.

CariDee, of course, is former America's Next Top Model winner CariDee English. Along with the other network talent, she and her short and blindingly white dress were separated from us rabble by a velvet rope. Tyra Banks was back there. So were the three remaining models from the current season (Fatima: really does look like Iman; Whitney: normal-sized, not plus-sized; Anya: the smart-money pick to win). And the Gossip Girls, and Michael from The Wire sitting next to Lori Loughlin as the cast of 90210 2.0 huddled closely together. The easy joke here is that Loughlin, who's playing a mom in this version, is the same age now as some of the original cast was when they were playing teenagers in the early '90s.

Maroon 5 will lend their music to the network's promo campaign for the coming season, following the illustrious footsteps of Fergie and at least one Pussycat Doll (surely their past efforts on behalf of the network remain etched in your mind). Adam Levine and Co. played four (or was it five?) songs, the ones you've heard on the radio. Then they were off and Holographic Network President Dawn Ostroff was on, explaining how the network was going to bounce back next season by giving up the WWE, turning over its Sunday nights to an outside producer and reworking a defining show for people who are just now aging out of The C-dub's target under-35 demographic.

To be fair, the excitement around the new 90210 (no "Beverly Hills" in the title this time) seems genuine. A mere playing of the opening bars of the theme song drew cheers. The new show is keeping the theme music, tweaking it a little for a somewhat scruffier and less earnestly air guitar-y sound.

Folks paid attention to the 90210 stuff, but as often as not Ostroff's voice and the clips of the new shows got swallowed by the ambient hum of hundreds of people eating sushi and skewered meats and drinking Ketel One-and-sodas inside the cavernous tent at Lincoln Center. Price of doing business when you turn your upfront into a cocktail party, I guess.

Which brings me, more or less, to the milkmaids. Not real ones -- though that would've been an awesome Farmer Wants a Wife tie-in -- but young women wearing the goofy CW-green wigs and dressed in wee, vaguely milkmaid-ish dresses, with weird fishnetty legwarmer things around their calves. They handed out CW-green drinks on the way in and CW-branded lollipops on the way out. In between they danced to Maroon 5 and posed for pictures with a good number of attendees, possibly because the talent wasn't, not really.

Offered without comment toward the end of the presentation were the titles of the four Sunday shows produced by Media Rights Capital, the company to whom The CW is farming out its Sunday nights. They're called Surviving Suburbia, Book of Murphy (those presumably are the two comedies), I.M. Valentine (a private-eye show, from the looks of the logo), and F.A.T. City, with F.A.T. standing for Fugitive Apprehension Team. That was it, though -- no mention of producers or stars or even a premise.

It was all over in an hour or so, the crowd spilling back into the early-evening sun as arts patrons filed into Lincoln Center and a scalper hawked Macbeth tickets on a street corner. The images started to fade, leaving only a familiar, Beverly Hills-based guitar riff in my head.

How does The CW's new schedule look to you? Excited about the 90210 remake?

Comments

I missed the first gen of BH, 90210. I am watching the original series now on DVD so I highly excited about this new version, but one must ask when will we return to Melrose Place? Now THAT would call for a huge party of apartment building bombing proportions...

Mark O. Estes | May 14, 2008 1:10:11 AM | #

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It looks like more crap from the CW. They had only two decent shows, Aliens In America and Reaper. They cancelled one (Aliens), and barely renewed Reaper. This is a network that really dumbs it down for the audience.

Chris | May 14, 2008 7:15:54 AM | #

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The only show I watch on CW are Gossip Girl. AND I LOVE IT!!

Sonu | May 14, 2008 10:52:22 AM | #

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The only show I watch on CW is Gossip Girl. AND I LOVE IT!!

Sonu | May 14, 2008 10:52:31 AM | #

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Go SMALLVILLE! Go The CW but I don't agree CW removing SmackDown! from the line-up because of ad sales and because of only focusing on the Female Demo (esp. A18-34).

Josh | May 15, 2008 1:55:45 PM | #

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Hey Dawn Ostroff, do u smoke dope in your spare time because, all of your fall 08/09 pilots are screwed, 90210 will be cancelled due to House, evil ha ha ha.

DMC Rebellion | May 15, 2008 5:41:15 PM | #

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As long as they give Smallville and Supernatural the full 22/23 episode season I'm happy. That's two of only about 5 shows in all of television that I even care about.

cm | May 16, 2008 12:05:11 AM | #

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Since they cancelled Veronica Mars, Supernatural is the only show that I watch on the CW.

Abby | May 16, 2008 12:58:04 PM | #

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I bet those 4 million viewers Star Trek used to bring in look pretty enticing right now!

This network has changed demographics so many times I have lost count.

Give it back to WB. They seem to have the best shows on here anyhow ... and maybe then they could slot Moonlight in.

RoamerAus | May 17, 2008 3:34:05 PM | #

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SUPERNATURAL is Amazing!
(Nuff said)

maria | May 20, 2008 5:33:37 PM | #

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THE CW NEEDS TO DIE.
All the shows are pure crrap.
They only had one good show, Supernatural, and they completely destroyed it.
I can't wait that crazy witch Dawn Ostroff gone.
And with her that damned Kripke idiot.
BYE BYE CW.

mad | May 23, 2008 5:50:54 PM | #

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supernatural rules and reaper and smallville

klh | Jun 1, 2008 9:52:43 PM | #

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