Whitney Is 'America's Next Top Model's' Full-Figured Winner
In a Versace showdown, Whitney won over cute favorite Anya
Viva Roma, and all that, and our three ladies traipse along the cobblestones. Anya, wearing that same rabbity eye makeup as last week, says that she is a lot more confident than she was when the competition began. Personally, I think it's the hair. Mona Tyra gives the girls their lines early so she won't have to put them "on blast." So relevant with the lingo! Is it eight years ago already? Sigh. Everyone is completely thrilled that this commercial will be in English.
The next morning, Mr. Jay and Brent Poer (they're like a box set of pocket gays!) reveal that the girls will be shooting both a tv commercial and a print ad for Cover Girl, and that the winner's ad will adorn a billboard in Times Square. Ok, that's pretty cool. Even cooler, Tootie's here! Oh, no, it's just Saleisha. Saleisha reveals that, when she was in the top three, she was both -- wait for it -- nervous and excited! You don't say! While in hair and makeup, darling little Anya starts crying, concerning both her friend Whitney and Saleisha. Whitney seems unsympathetic but is actually just stunned -- Anya is always so optimistic, this is really uncharacteristic of her. If she pulls a Marvita, I will be so, so disappointed in her incomprehensible little butt.
Fatima is up first to film her commercial, and she has the words memorized, but she just shoots right through the lines. You know how she can't stop at the end of the runway? How she plows right through that pause? This is essentially that, in verbal form. Whitney (unforgivably sleeveless) has more trouble with the lines but is a born pitchwoman. Anya can't pronounce words. Period. But she's so bubbly and happy and adorable. She is so fricking excited about this mascara, it's amazing. The photo shoots are next. Whitney and Anya rock their shoots, while Fatima borrows from Stacy-Ann's old Modeling 101 playbook.
Back at the flat, Mona Tyra tells her girls that tomorrow is panel. Wait, we're only 20 minutes into the episode! At panel, Anya is wearing a sweater dress I would kill for. Whitney's commercial is up first, and she clearly stumbles over a few words, and does that thing where she shakes her head like a horse. Paulina thinks it's incredibly pageant, which of course, it is. Whitney's print ad is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I would buy mascara from that woman, as long as she was in a still photo. Up next is Fatima, who completely flubs the lines and just says words, without meaning behind them. Her picture is pretty but her eyes are focused too high, which -- praise the Lord -- Tyra uses as an opportunity to demonstrate smiling with her eyes. YES!!! I live for this crap. Anya's commercial is so freaking cute, but she's impossible to understand, and she doesn't know her lines. Tyra says, rightly, that it was A. a total train wreck and B. the best commercial of the three. Interestingly, there's one camera on Nigel watching the commercial, and he's beaming and blushing and looking like a 14-year-old boy. Yep. He even admits that Anya's charming. Her print ad is lovely but Paulina thinks Anya looks stupid in it. Tyra disagrees. And girlfriend clearly knows from dumb. Oh, so we're just eliminating one girl for now and ... oh my holy crap there's a runway challenge, and Donatella Versace is involved, and I really want to be her when I grow up, and I just had a teeny tiny heart attack. Donatella PLUS eye-smiling? Amazing. J'adore. Anya is called first -- no surprise there. And then Whitney, which ... you know my Donatella was not pleased about this, ah, sizable development.
So, America's Next Top Model will be a blonde! Anya thinks that it was beautiful when Whitney cried, and you know that all Anya wanted to do was hug her and tell her she hopes Whitney wins, which in an odd way she genuinely does. The girls arrive at the studio for their Seventeen photo shoots with Ann Shoket (hi Ann!) and, notably, Nigel Barker. Wow, has Anya lost weight or was she always this thin? Her legs don't look like they should hold her up. Les Jays meet the girls at the runway site, where they learn that they will be walking with real models. And Saleisha! Who was plucked from her day job at the Cover Girl factory. The male models are in speedos, painted with gold leaf. I really, really want to see Mr. Jay sitting next to Donatella. Who is oranger? Who is blonder? Who can tell? The judges make their way down the runway, and then the models go: Saleisha leads out in an incredible glittery gold column with a ruched taffeta bodice. Anya has a little skip to her step, but her posing at the end of the runway is awesome, and she rocks her train. Whitney stomps down the runway -- girlfriend gives good walk -- and doesn't flinch when her strap slides off her arm. Her second walk is equally good, even though her dress keeps flowing into her shoes. Anya's second dress is very difficult to walk in, and looks it. She's a little bit Lauren, actually. Both girls have an appropriate amount of wiggle to their final walk, and they both look gorgeous. Wait, where was Donatella?
Final panel, which apparently means that Morticia Addams did Tyra's makeup, and there was an industrial-strength flatiron applied to that weave. Miss Jay feels that Anya's walk wasn't as strong as it could have been, but Paulina really stands up for her -- her dresses were far more difficult to move in. Whitney looked so good she reminded Tyra of Tyra. We go into a side-by-side retrospective of each week's photo shoots. The panel deliberates. Paulina really hits the nail on the head, to me, when she says that Whitney's the girl you want in the bedroom, but Anya's the girl you buy a dress from. The models enter in their Versace dresses. America's Next Top Model is....Whitney. Shut UP! Oh, Tyra really really wanted this. You know she wanted this. Anya is going to go home and cry, but she is proud of herself and she really should be. And, honestly, Whitney better represents an American woman, an American beauty, than Anya. So congratulations. And thank you, Whitney, for taking Saleisha off my freaking television screen forever.
Thoughts? Complaints? "Anya was robbed"s? No matter how we all feel about the results, there is comfort in knowing that there are approximately seven cycles of this show a year...so nobody's on top for long ...