Because the best parties always start with someone asking you if you have the proper insurance, we've decided to plan this week's extravaganza around a show we can really get behind: "Grey's Anatomy." In addition to being fans of the series, the thing we like about this party planner is that it works for virtually any hospital-based television show - with the possible exception of "Dr. 90210," which will require an additional investment in collagen and silicone.

So what's this week's prescription for success? Tongue depressors and lots of them. We also recommend you visit the "Grey's Anatomy" section on abc.go.com, where you can learn all sorts of stuff about medical conditions diagnosed on the show such as hydrocephalus (water on the brain) or hypoplastic left heart syndrome, where the left side of the heart is too small to pump blood efficiently. Your guests will be dazzled by your knowledge - even more so if you yell "stat!" occasionally.

Setting the scene: We suggest you have guests fill out paperwork before making them wait an hour in an uncomfortable plastic chair next to some college students you've hired to randomly cough and moan. Actually, we can't stress enough the power of hiring college kids to do stupid things at every party you throw. Also adding to the atmosphere: Life-size cutouts of Patrick Dempsey can be custom-made. And at least two "Operation" board games - because you don't want the guests playing doctor out of your sight. You'll be doing laundry the rest of the week.

For the gift bag: rubber gloves and a hospital mask. And everyone leaves in a wheelchair you borrowed. Party rules.

Attire: Hospital gowns and scrubs. This stuff is pretty inexpensive, so you can buy extras if guests come unprepared. However, if they do, hire another college student to wear a stethoscope and ask people to turn their heads and cough.

On the menu: Hospital food: Jell-o and little cups of applesauce surrounding a centerpiece featuring a whole raw liver. Scalpel! Dr. McDreamy doughnuts - because nothing says "medical school" like doughnuts. Grey's garbanzo bean salad. Bowls of Sandra Oh-tmeal! Good and good for you.

Beverages will be served through an IV drip. It'll take a little longer to freshen that cocktail, but you don't want to rush episiotomy punch or a Bloody Mary. Did we mention swizzle sticks in specimen cups?

On the hi-fi: "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas - because it seems like you might want a doctor to look at that hump. "Bad Case of Loving You" by Robert Palmer. Anything by Tegan and Sara, and of course, the "Grey's Anatomy" theme song, "Cosy in the Rocket" by Psapp - whose name makes us think of smear. Ha! It's OK, these are medical terms. You know what? Just go buy the "Grey's Anatomy" soundtrack.

The showstopper: You want people to find your party, right? Well, there is no way anyone will miss it if you go out and purchase a fully operational used ambulance and have that thing sitting in your front yard with the lights a-flashin.' But where, oh where, would you find such a thing? And on such short notice? Why www.ambulancetrader.com, of course. And depending on how people take to the episiotomy punch, this thing could actually pay for itself by night's end.