The office party is one of the most horrific rituals corporate America has ever forced upon its already frazzled and generally helpless employees. No matter how much time and planning goes into them, they come out like last minute bar mitzvah disasters: bad favors, sad food, lame drinks. But we won't let a little thing like tradition stand in the way of this week's TV Party theme: yep, you guessed it, "The Office" party. You can invite all of your friends and/or co-workers to what we promise - but won't guarantee in writing - will be the best "Office" party you've ever thrown, based totally around the award-winning comedy. As Michael (Steve Carell) might say, "You really need to get to know Dunder-Mifflin : its paper products, its people." In fact, did you know that in addition to Scranton, Pa., it has branch offices in Buffalo, Stamford, Albany, Utica, Akron, Camden, Nashua and Yonkers? And here's a little-known fact: One-sixth of all the railroad tracks that cross the United States were made in Scranton. Zzzzzzzzz ... Huh? Wha? What happened? Oh, yeah, Scranton.

Setting the scene: If you have no idea what the inside of an office looks like, face it, your parents are hugely disappointed in you. We, on the other hand, admire you. So here's what you do: Rent a few of those cubicle partitions at a local office supply store and grab a water cooler while you're at it. Plop those right in the middle of your living room. Proceed to stick Post-it Notes on everything in sight. Literally, everything. For giggles put a sign saying "Human Resources" on the door of the bathroom. And every party should include favors - staplers for everybody! Don't forget to get yourself a "World's Best Boss" mug.

Attire: For the ladies we suggest a wool pencil skirt (nothing flashy: black, gray, navy), midlevel pumps and a nice blouse that buttons right up to the neck. Don't forget your cardigan; it gets cold in the office. For the guys, a nice pair of Dockers slacks matched with a dress shirt and tie. The dorkier the better.

On the menu: Sample a Dwight-wich, featuring a hard-boiled egg between two slices of sourdough; the Michael, a slice of bologna sandwiched between two slices of ham; the Pam, sugar and spice without the spice; or the Jim, a slice of rye, unfulfilled. If these items seem too cruel to serve to actual people, we suggest a lame deli platter coupled with a tub each of ziti and Swedish meatballs from your local grocer. Nothing says an office party like lackluster food options. By the way, don't forget a tossed salad and a nice sheet cake featuring the likenesses of the characters; we're fairly certain that any copyright infringement will be moot once someone's eaten Dwight's head. Did anyone remember the paper plates and plastic silverware?

The showstopper: You'll need to track down the biggest, most obsolete office copier you can find and have that puppy delivered into the middle of your living room. At this writing there were more than 800 of them on eBay. If by some miracle it actually copies, invite guests to copy parts of their anatomy, then make a game out of guessing who is who and whose what is that.