TV Gal Lets Others Do the Talking
Here are my favorite quotes from 2006.
"Please don't thank your parents. If you were raised in a nurturing environment, you wouldn't be in show business." Conan O'Brien on the Emmys.
"It's not HBO; it's TV." Liz to Tracy on "30 Rock."
"The HBOs aren't going to want us." Michael on "Arrested Development."
"This is not going to be another one of those 'Queer as Folk' pep talks, is it?" Ari to Lloyd on "Entourage."
"Mothers and daughters. They speak so fast, but they speak so true." Turk about "Gilmore Girls" on "Scrubs."
"What is the Dharma Initiative?" Dwight to Ryan during his sales training on "The Office."
"It's like Steve is America, and you're 'Arrested Development.' It's not that you're bad. It's just that he's not interested in you." Francine to Stan on 'American Dad,' about their son, Steve.
"I'm this close to splitting a cobb salad with Sarah Jessica Parker and talking about shoes." Daniel to Betty after he spends all day waiting for Sofia to call him on "Ugly Betty."
"It's like all people see when they look at us are the supporting players on the Will and Grace show." Jack to Karen on "Will & Grace."
"I wouldn't have done anything differently, except maybe Oliver." Ryan to Marrisa on "The O.C."
"Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and just put it on TV." J.D. to Elliot about "Grey's Anatomy" on "Scrubs."
"The hospital is famous for being wonderfully quirky. It's called Seattle Grace." Dr. Roberts telling Summer about his new job on "The O.C."
"Well aren't you a regular Veronica Mars?" Marissa to Summer on "The O.C."
"What would Buffy do?" One of the film geeks trying to gain courage on "Supernatural."
"I got nothing to do and nowhere to go until 'American Idol' starts in January." Christine to Barb on "The New Adventures of Old Christine."
"Shall I sing to your belly? I'm hazy as to why I would do this. But I distinctly recall these sort of shenanigans on the last season of 'Mad About You.'" Jack to Grace on "Will & Grace."
"I love you too. I knew it then. I know it now. I'll know it always. You're it Amy. You're my one." Ephram to Amy in the series finale of "Everwood."
"It was real. What we had, it was real." Michael to Sara on "Prison Break."
"I get a choice now. I get to choose. I choose you Izzie Stevens." Denny to Izzie on "Grey's Anatomy."
"I've been married twice before and I'm a recovering cocaine addict. And I know that's no woman's dream of a man or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand. But you better get a good head start, because I'm coming for you, Jordan." Danny to Jordan on "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip."
"I'm in love with you. I'm really sorry if that's hard for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it." Jim to Pam on the season finale of "The Office."
"Who said anything about talking?" Donna to Josh on "The West Wing."
"Oh my God. George is her McDreamy." Izzie about the way Callie feels about George on "Grey's Anatomy."
"Do you have extra batteries in your pants?" Bruno to Mario Lopez on "Dancing with the Stars."
"That's me. I'm fast. I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics." Lorelai on "Gilmore Girls."
"Dude, I full on Swayze'd that mother." Dean to Sam and their dad on "Supernatural."
"I love inside jokes. I'd love to be part of one someday." Michael on "The Office."
"I got a better chance of hooking up with Jessica Alba than these guys do of infiltrating sea lift." Agent DiNozzo on "NCIS."
"Dad, can't you just skip ahead to the part where you met mom? I feel like you've been talking for like a year." The daughter to her dad (Ted) on "How I Met Your Mother."
"What am I supposed to do? Beam myself to Boston every morning?" Denny to Bev on "Boston Legal."
"There are too many forensic shows on TV." Grissom to a reality TV producer on "CSI."
"Twenty-four times a year, you come in here spouting that you can help somebody." Dr. Cuddy to Dr. House on "House.".
"Thanks Mom, but costumes just really aren't my thing." Clark to Martha on "Smallville."
"You should stay here. I'm going to have to do a little bit of what I do to you at home." Brenda to Fritz on "The Closer" just before she goes to interrogate the FBI agent.
"We're not working together. You're just here to lend a hand." Michael to T-Bag on "Prison Break."
"For a man who looks like a garden gnome, you've got a lot of demands." Karlene to the Chief on "Rescue Me."
"Look around. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you could try to apply for a sex Visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. Fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry." Barney to Lily on "How I Met Your Mother."
"This is too screwed up -- even for me." Christian to the mother/daughter pair on "Nip/Tuck."
"Hi. I don't have an appointment. Do you remember me by any chance?" Harmony (Laura San Giacomo) to Keith on "Veronica Mars."
"McDreamy was doing the mcnasty with a mchottie? That mcbastard." George trying to act like Christina on "Grey's Anatomy."
"Kate, damn it. Run!" Jack to Kate on "Lost."
"Gay dad always trumps slutty mom." Kaitlyn to Luke's twin brothers on "The O.C."
"The sheriff is an idiot. I've met smarter sandwiches." Dean O'Dell to Keith on "Veronica Mars."
"Please don't be a stranger. I don't want you to feel like every time you come over here you have to nail something. I said that wrong, didn't I?" Nora to David on "Brothers & Sisters."
"I really need to find that sword." Hiro on "Heroes."
"Trust me, Bart, it's better to walk in on both your parents than just one of them." Millhouse to Bart on "The Simpsons" after Bart caught Marge and Homer in bed.
"I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out." Barney about his cold on "How I Met Your Mother."
"I'm done talking with you. You understand me. You read my file. First thing, I'm going to take out your right eye." Jack to on "24."
"I swear to God I like you Christina, I really do. But I grew up in a trailer park and I'm not above kicking your pampered little Beverly Hills ass." Izzy to Christina on "Grey's Anatomy."
"Should I go and get a ruler?" Kate while watching Jack and Sawyer play poker on "Lost.".
"I'm just so appalling, aren't I?" Simon to on "American Idol."
"Careful." Simon to Paula when she said hello to Ace on "American Idol."
"By the way, I'll be wearing white, so that will be a surprise for everybody." Edie to Susan about her wedding on "Desperate Housewives."
"Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones." Dwight on "The Office."
"Thanks boss." Josh to a picture of Leo on "The West Wing."
"I dole out compliments at the most once a year, and like a squirrel you must gather up these acorns to sustain yourself for the upcoming cold, sarcastic winter." Dr. Cox to J.D., Eliot and Carla on "Scrubs."
"With your permission, ma'am, we'd like to go through the house, baby-proof it from top to bottom; socket protectors, safety latches, gates for the stairs, spread spectrum R/F detectors, perimeter sensors, explosive sniffers...all the usual stuff." Sydney's federal agent babysitter on "Alias."
"I will not reveal the plot of the movie." Bart writing on the chalkboard at the beginning of "The Simpsons."
"It's for charity and I consider myself a great philanderer." Michael on "The Office."
"It might be a little weird though. I don't believe any of the other guests killed anyone," Logan to his father Aaron Echolls on "Veronica Mars."
"Sweetheart, believe, me this is way way more bad boy than you're ever going to be able to handle." Tommy to a woman in a bar on "Rescue Me."
"Gilmore, do you see any of my students falling in love with me? No! And you know why? Because you don't fall in love with people that make you want to crap your pants." Paris to Rory on "Gilmore Girls."
"Your side hates my side because you think we think you're stupid. My side hates your side because we think you're stupid." Matt to Harriet on "Studio 60" regarding the sides of the culture wars.
"I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. [reading fax] 'Dwight, at 8 a.m. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight.'" Jim on "The "Office."
"I've died before. It's no big deal." Claire on "Heroes."
"You beat death Arvin, but you couldn't beat me." Jack Bristow's last words to Sloane on "Alias."
"No, I don't see it as a series. Maybe a movie?" Ron Howard to Maeby in the final line of the season finale of "Arrested Development."
That's all for today. As 2006 comes to a close, I want to thank you for reading my column every week. It's only because of you that I get to write my musings, rants and raves about television and I feel incredibly lucky. A special thanks to all of you who take the time to write me. I try to respond to all my e-mail, but if you haven't heard back from me, please know that I do read every single e-mail I receive. Agree with me, disagree with me, want to shake some sense into me, or can't understand why I'm still not watching "Battlestar Gallactica," I always love hearing what you have to say. You guys are the best.
I'm off next week but will return on Janu. 8, 2007 to reflect on the best of everything television. Don't forget to tune into "Dirt" (which I must confess kind of grew on me), "Knights of Prosperity" and "In Case of Emergency" while I'm gone. I promise to talk about them when I return. Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and safe and joyous New Year. I so look forward to talking TV with you in 2007.
Have a question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at firstname.lastname@example.org by clicking on my byline at the top of my column.