Sometimes television shows come at you like a kick from a mule - unnecessary and unsubtle. But History Channel's Sunday reality series "Ice Road Truckers" seems to go one step further - it actually makes being kicked by a mule seem like a superior option to what the show depicts. So, call your friends and neighbors, because we're throwing a party that makes part-time employment at McDonald's seem like a brilliant career move.

Setting the scene: The theme is a winter wonderland that has been blessed by the interior design skills of truck drivers who would give up their first born for a Thermos filled with steaming coffee. Fake snow, fake icicles, hills of cotton balls, fake polar bear rugs, fake ice blocks (think igloo), fuzzy dice, car air fresheners and posters for satellite radio and GPS should help get everyone in the mood. A hand truck with boxes marked "Frozen Supplies" and a set of mud flaps with naked ladies in chrome on them add to the ambience. Invitations can be written on the back of the car air fresheners. Party favors can be foam trucker hats or even Season 1 on DVD.

Attire: It doesn't matter what the temperature is outside; show some solidarity to our brothers freezing their tushies off. Wear earmuffs, mittens, wool scarves, snow boots and goggles.

On the menu: Anything from the frozen foods section! Hungry-Man frozen dinners; slushies; ice cream; snow cones. Hot coffee in large Styrofoam cups.

On the hi-fi: "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner, "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice, "On the Road Again" by Willie Nelson, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" by Dean Martin, "Diamonds Are Forever" by Shirley Bassey, "Convoy" by C.W. McCall.

The showstopper: OK, the mountain of cotton balls was lame. But we're making it up to you right now by telling you to outdo yourself and buy a tractor-trailer and park it in a jackknifed position in your front yard. At this writing, you could buy a 2003 Kenworth T2000 sleeper Class 8 with a 13-speed automatic transmission and low mileage (OK, 380,000 miles) on eBay. Best of all, it comes in Arctic White! (Trailer not included.)