As institutions go, marriage ranks right up there with prison time and crack addiction: one minute you think you can handle it, and the next - wham! - there's no way out. And yet, thousands (we really don't like to think about it) of people will enter into the bliss of holy matrimony this year to the delight of wedding photographers, dressmakers and florists everywhere. To that, we say, SUCKERS! But love can be real - remember Trista and Ryan? At this writing, they were still together. And we wish the same kind of luck to our good friend Brad Womack, the latest single stud on ABC's Monday night staple. So call the boys, it's time we throw a ''Bachelor'' party!

Setting the scene: Did you know you can now get stamps with pictures of you and your fiancee's smiling faces to use on invitations? Yep, it's the latest weaponry in the bridal arsenal to make everyone kinda throw up in their mouths a little. But this party is for the bachelors among us, so get yourself those stamps - but instead of you and your girlfriend, have it of you sitting on your couch in your underwear drinking a beer. The invitations themselves should be written on the back of a prenuptial agreement. As far as actual decor goes, per bachelor rules, you don't need to change a thing. You just need to hire 24 women to parade around the party in little black dresses asking for a rose - and don't forget you'll need 23 roses. Once the show is over and the roses have been handed out, you and the boys can head out to ''golf.'' (Don't forget to bring plenty of $1 bills.)

Attire: Men, come as you are. Women, well, you probably have far too much self-respect to even show up at this party at all.

On the menu: Cigars, chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, steaks on the grill, beer, pizza, mini hot dogs and almost anything that can be culled from the body of a pig.

On the hi-fi: ''The Single Life'' by Sarina Paris; ''Kiss From a Rose'' by Seal; ''White Wedding'' by Billy Idol; ''Prison Song'' by System of a Down.

The showstopper: Think you've got what it takes to be the next ''Bachelor''? Go to thebachelor.warnerbros.com and print out enough applications for everyone in attendance. But read the fine print - ABC owns you.